An estate manager in Beverly Hills called me last December sounding completely overwhelmed. Her family had just told her they wanted to host a holiday party for 75 people in two weeks. “They keep saying ‘just make it happen,'” she told me, frustrated. “But they haven’t given me a budget, they haven’t decided on a menu, they don’t know if they want it catered or if they want me to coordinate everything, and they keep changing their minds about the guest list.”
That conversation happens every single holiday season. Families decide they want to host beautiful holiday gatherings at home, which is wonderful. But then they don’t give their estate managers the actual resources, information, or lead time needed to pull off the events they’re imagining.
After twenty years of working with estate managers throughout Los Angeles and beyond, we can tell you exactly what support estate managers need to execute holiday entertaining successfully. Some of it’s obvious, like reasonable budgets and enough advance notice. But a lot of it involves decisions and clarity that families don’t always realize matter enormously for whether events actually work well. Here’s what your estate manager needs from you.
Realistic Lead Time
Your estate manager can’t create beautiful holiday events out of thin air with three days’ notice. Good vendors book up months in advance during holiday season. Sourcing quality everything takes time. Coordinating all the moving pieces requires planning.
For major holiday entertaining – anything involving more than 20-30 people or requiring significant coordination – your estate manager needs at least 4-6 weeks of lead time. Ideally more like 8-10 weeks for really elaborate events.
That doesn’t mean you need to decide every detail two months out. It means you need to confirm that you’re definitely hosting something, give your estate manager the general scope and approximate date, and authorize them to start booking key vendors and making arrangements.
Los Angeles during holiday season is particularly challenging because everyone wants the same few weeks for events, the same preferred caterers, the same rental companies, the same florists. Waiting until mid-December to plan a holiday party means settling for whoever still has availability rather than getting first choice of vendors.
If you’re the kind of family who decides spontaneously to host gatherings, fine. Just understand that your estate manager will be working with much more limited options and significantly higher stress trying to execute on short timelines. That’s a choice you’re making about what you’re prioritizing.
Clear Budget Parameters
Estate managers can’t plan events effectively when families say “make it nice” without specifying what that means financially. Nice could mean $5,000 or $50,000 depending on what you’re imagining and what your budget actually allows.
Give your estate manager a real budget with actual numbers. Not “don’t go crazy” or “something reasonable” – those phrases mean completely different things to different people. Say “we want to spend around $15,000” or “budget is $30,000 maximum” or whatever the actual number is.
Good estate managers can work within almost any reasonable budget. But they need to know what that budget is so they can make appropriate choices about catering, rentals, florals, staffing, and everything else that goes into events.
Some families worry that giving specific budget numbers means their estate managers will automatically spend up to that limit. That’s backwards. Professional estate managers want to give you beautiful events at appropriate costs, not maximize spending just because they can. Knowing your budget helps them plan effectively, not waste your money.
If you genuinely don’t know what’s appropriate to spend, ask your estate manager what similar events typically cost and work together to establish a budget that makes sense. But don’t leave them guessing about whether they should be planning something modest or something elaborate.
Decisions About Key Elements
Estate managers need you to actually make decisions about important event elements, not just defer everything to them with vague guidance about “whatever you think is best.”
They need to know: Do you want the event catered with full service, or do you want your estate manager coordinating with your private chef if you have one? Do you want passed appetizers or buffet stations or plated service? Do you want full bar service or just wine and beer? Do you want live music or a DJ or just background music?
None of these decisions are ones estate managers should be making unilaterally. They’re your events reflecting your taste and your priorities. Your estate manager can provide options and recommendations, but you need to actually choose what you want.
Some families treat their estate managers like mind readers who should just intuitively know what the family wants. That doesn’t work. Different families have totally different entertaining styles, different priorities about formality versus casualness, different feelings about how much they want to spend on various elements.
Have an actual planning conversation with your estate manager where you talk through the event vision, make key decisions together, and give clear direction about what matters most to you. That’s not micromanaging – it’s giving your estate manager the information they need to execute on your vision.
Vendor Preferences and Restrictions
If you have strong preferences about vendors – caterers you love or florists you never want to work with again or rental companies you trust – tell your estate manager that upfront.
Nothing’s more frustrating for estate managers than spending time getting proposals from vendors only to have you say “oh, we don’t use them anymore” after they’ve already invested effort in planning around those options.
Similarly, if you have specific requirements that affect vendor selection – kosher catering, vegan options, specific service standards, particular aesthetic preferences – share that information before your estate manager starts reaching out to vendors.
Los Angeles has incredible vendor options for event catering, florals, rentals, and everything else you might need. But narrowing down which vendors make sense for your specific event and your specific preferences requires knowing what those preferences actually are.
If you don’t have strong feelings about vendors and you trust your estate manager’s judgment, that’s fine too. Just say that explicitly so they know they have full authority to choose whoever they think will do the best work.
Guest List Clarity
Estate managers need to know approximately how many people you’re planning to have at events. Not exact final counts weeks in advance – those always shift a bit. But general magnitude matters enormously for planning.
An intimate dinner for 12 people requires completely different planning than a cocktail party for 60 people. Your estate manager needs to know which kind of event you’re actually hosting so they can plan appropriately.
Changing the expected guest count significantly after planning is underway creates major problems. If your estate manager has been planning for 40 people and you suddenly announce you’ve invited 75, that might require completely different catering quantities, different bar service, different furniture arrangements, different staffing levels.
Some fluctuation is normal and expected. But going from 30 to 80 people isn’t a minor adjustment – it’s essentially a different event that needs different planning.
Give your estate manager your best estimate of guest count as early as possible. Update them if it changes significantly. Understand that major changes might require adjusting plans or might not be feasible depending on timing.
Space and Logistics Considerations
Walk through the actual spaces where you want to host events with your estate manager and talk through logistics together.
Where will guests gather? Where will food service happen? Where will coats go? Where will bars be set up? How will flow work? What furniture needs to be moved or added? What areas are off-limits to guests?
These logistical details matter enormously for whether events actually function well. Estate managers can figure out most of this themselves, but having a conversation about it helps ensure you’re aligned on the plan.
For Los Angeles homes with indoor-outdoor spaces, weather contingencies matter too. What’s the backup plan if it rains? Do you want heaters outside if it’s cold? What about lighting for outdoor areas after dark?
Don’t just assume your estate manager will figure everything out. Have actual conversations about how you want spaces used and what concerns you might have about logistics.
Authority to Coordinate with Other Staff
If you have other household staff – private chefs, housekeepers, housemen, drivers – your estate manager needs clear authority to coordinate with them about event preparation and execution.
Some families create confusion by giving instructions directly to multiple staff members without coordinating through their estate manager. Then everyone’s working from different information and things fall through cracks.
For events, your estate manager should be the central coordinator who’s ensuring all pieces come together. Give them authority to direct other staff about event-related tasks and then actually back them up when they need other staff members to prioritize event preparation.
If your private chef needs to focus on event food preparation, your estate manager needs to be able to tell them that takes priority over regular meal planning for the week. If your housekeeper needs to deep clean certain areas before events, your estate manager should be able to direct that work.
Undermining your estate manager’s coordination authority creates chaos where nobody knows who’s actually in charge of making sure everything gets done.
Decision-Making Authority for Problems
Things go wrong during event planning. Vendors cancel. Items arrive damaged. Weather doesn’t cooperate. Guest counts change. Unexpected problems arise that require quick decisions.
Your estate manager needs authority to make reasonable decisions to solve problems without having to get your approval for every single adjustment.
That doesn’t mean they should make major changes without consulting you. But they should be empowered to handle normal problem-solving like finding replacement vendors, adjusting quantities, making minor timeline changes, or spending reasonable amounts to fix issues.
If you want to be consulted about every decision no matter how small, fine. Just understand that’s going to make event execution much more stressful and time-consuming for everyone. Most families are better served by trusting their estate managers to handle problems competently and only bringing you genuinely significant issues that require your input.
Realistic Expectations About What’s Possible
Your estate manager is extremely capable, but they’re not miracle workers. Some things genuinely aren’t possible on short timelines or within limited budgets or with the resources available.
If you want an event that feels like it was professionally planned by event coordinators with months of preparation, you need to give your estate manager similar timelines and resources. You can’t expect professional-level results with last-minute planning and shoestring budgets.
Los Angeles has high standards for entertaining. Your friends and colleagues host beautiful events with significant planning and investment behind them, even when they look effortlessly perfect. Matching that level requires similar investment from you in terms of time, budget, and support for your estate manager.
Being realistic about what’s actually achievable helps everyone. Your estate manager can tell you honestly what’s feasible and what’s not if you ask for their input rather than just demanding that everything happen exactly as you imagine regardless of constraints.
Communication During Event Execution
During actual events, your estate manager is managing about a thousand details simultaneously. They’re coordinating with catering staff, monitoring service flow, handling any issues that arise, making sure everything progresses smoothly.
Help them by not pulling them aside during events to make last-minute requests or changes unless something is genuinely urgent. They’re working hard to execute the plan you agreed on together. Mid-event is not the time for “wouldn’t it be nice if we also…” conversations.
If something’s genuinely wrong – food isn’t coming out, guests need something, there’s a real problem – absolutely let your estate manager know. But trust them to manage normal event flow without you trying to direct from the middle of hosting.
After events, have debriefs about what went well and what could improve for next time. That helps everyone learn and do better for future entertaining. But during the event itself, let your estate manager actually manage.
Acknowledgment of Extra Work
Holiday entertaining represents significant extra work beyond your estate manager’s normal responsibilities. Even if managing occasional events is technically part of their job description, the intensity of holiday season entertaining goes well beyond day-to-day household management.
Acknowledge that extra work through appropriate compensation. Some families give additional bonuses when estate managers pull off particularly demanding events. Others ensure holiday bonuses reflect the extra effort that went into seasonal entertaining. Some give extra time off after intense event periods.
However you do it, recognize that executing beautiful holiday gatherings requires substantial additional effort. Estate managers who feel appreciated for that extra work are much more motivated to make events genuinely special versus just getting through them.
Your estate manager wants your holiday entertaining to be beautiful and successful. But they need real support from you to make that happen – not just vague instructions to “make it nice” followed by surprise when it’s stressful or imperfect.
Working Together Works Best
The most successful holiday entertaining happens when families and estate managers work as actual partners. You bring the vision and the decision-making about what you want. Your estate manager brings the planning skills, vendor relationships, logistical expertise, and coordination abilities to execute on that vision.
Neither of you can do it alone well. You probably don’t have time to personally coordinate all the vendors and manage all the details. Your estate manager can’t read your mind about what matters to you or make all the decisions unilaterally.
Working together means having actual planning conversations, making real decisions, giving clear direction while trusting your estate manager’s expertise, and providing the resources and authority needed for successful execution.
Los Angeles families who approach holiday entertaining this way consistently host beautiful events without their estate managers burning out or resenting the whole process. Those who just dump event expectations on their estate managers without adequate support wonder why things feel chaotic and stressful every single year.
The choice is really yours. Give your estate manager what they actually need – lead time, budgets, clear decisions, authority, realistic expectations, and acknowledgment of extra work – and watch them create beautiful holiday gatherings. Skip those things and wonder why events feel like stressful afterthoughts instead of genuine celebrations.
