Your nanny’s been with you since your daughter was 18 months old. She’s been incredible – patient with tantrums, great at playing toddler games, wonderful at managing naps and snacks and all the toddler-specific stuff. You can’t imagine your family without her.
Now your daughter’s seven and your son’s five. School pickup, homework help, managing activity schedules, keeping older kids engaged without just defaulting to screens. Different demands entirely from what you needed four years ago.
And honestly? Your nanny’s struggling. She’s still trying to interact with your kids like they’re toddlers. She doesn’t really know how to help with homework. She seems overwhelmed by the logistics of multiple activities and pickup times. The fit that was perfect when your kids were little isn’t working now that they’re older.
This transition happens constantly and most families don’t see it coming because they’re so focused on how great their nanny is with babies and toddlers. They don’t think about whether those same skills will serve them well with school-age kids.
Let me walk through why the toddler-to-school-age transition is tricky and what to actually do when your perfect toddler nanny isn’t cutting it anymore.
The skill sets are actually different
Being great with toddlers requires tons of patience for repetition, comfort with mess and chaos, ability to handle emotional dysregulation constantly, skill at keeping tiny humans safe while they’re learning everything, and energy for extremely physical care.
Being great with school-age kids requires different things – ability to help with homework and academic support, skill at facilitating more complex play and social dynamics, logistics management for activities and schedules, appropriate boundary-setting as kids get more independent, and engagement that works for kids who are past the toddler stage.
Some nannies excel at both. Many nannies are naturally better with one age range than the other. Neither is wrong – people have different strengths.
Your nanny who’s incredible at soothing tantrums and playing toddler games might not be naturally skilled at helping a seven-year-old with math homework or managing the logistics of soccer practice and piano lessons. Those are genuinely different capabilities.
The engagement level changes
Toddlers need constant supervision and engagement. You can’t take your eyes off them because they’re constantly getting into dangerous situations. Your nanny’s attention is mostly on keeping them safe and responding to immediate needs.
School-age kids need different engagement. They can play independently more. They need help with homework and activities. They benefit from more sophisticated conversations. They’re dealing with school social dynamics that require different support than toddler parallel play.
Nannies who are excellent at the intensive constant engagement toddlers need sometimes struggle with the different rhythm of school-age care. They might hover too much when kids can be more independent. Or they might disengage too much and default to screens because they don’t know how to meaningfully engage with older kids.
Nashville families often notice this transition when kids start kindergarten or first grade and suddenly the nanny-kid dynamic feels off. The nanny’s still trying to entertain and supervise constantly when kids actually need more independence plus targeted support with specific things like homework or activity coordination.
The homework help becomes an issue
School-age kids need homework help. Not all nannies can provide that effectively, either because they’re not comfortable with academic content or because they don’t have the teaching skills to help kids who are struggling.
A nanny who’s great at playing with toddlers might be genuinely unable to help your third-grader with multiplication or reading comprehension. That’s not a criticism of them – those are different skill sets.
Some families solve this by getting tutors for academic help while the nanny focuses on other things. That works if you can afford it and if your nanny’s still adding value in other ways.
But if homework help is something you need from your nanny and they can’t provide it, that’s a real gap that affects whether the placement still makes sense.
The logistics overwhelm some nannies
Managing one or two toddlers at home is straightforward logistically. Feed them, put them down for naps, play with them, take them to the park. Pretty predictable routine without tons of coordination.
Managing school-age kids involves way more logistics – different pickup times, multiple activities across different locations, coordinating schedules between siblings, remembering gear for various activities, managing homework deadlines, communicating with teachers and coaches.
Some nannies handle increased logistics beautifully. Others get overwhelmed when the job shifts from direct childcare to more coordination and management of kids’ external activities.
If your nanny’s struggling with the scheduling and logistics piece as kids get older, that creates constant stress where things get forgotten or mismanaged. It’s not malicious – some people just aren’t naturally organized at that level.
The interaction style needs adjusting
How you interact with a two-year-old versus a seven-year-old is completely different. Toddlers need redirection and distraction and keeping things simple. School-age kids need more sophisticated communication, reasoning when they don’t want to do things, and interactions that match their developmental level.
Nannies who are wonderful at toddler communication sometimes struggle to adjust their interaction style as kids mature. They might still be talking in that sing-song toddler voice when kids are way past that. They might be managing behavior through distraction when kids actually need discussion and reasoning.
Kids notice when nannies are treating them younger than they are. That creates friction where kids feel like their nanny doesn’t respect them or get who they are as they grow up.
When the nanny realizes it too
Sometimes your nanny’s aware they’re struggling with the transition and they feel bad about it. They know they were great with your kids as toddlers. They don’t understand why it’s not working as well now that kids are older. They might feel like they’re failing even though they’re just better suited to a different age range.
Have compassionate conversations if your nanny seems to recognize the fit isn’t working anymore. They might actually prefer to work with younger kids and they’d be relieved to transition to a family with babies or toddlers where their strengths are better utilized.
Lots of toddler-specialist nannies love babies and toddlers specifically. They don’t particularly enjoy school-age kids. There’s nothing wrong with that – it’s just a preference and skills match. Helping your nanny transition to a better-fit placement while you find someone better suited to your current needs serves everyone.
The activity management piece
School-age kids are usually in activities – sports, music lessons, art classes, whatever. Someone needs to get them there, manage schedules, remember equipment, coordinate with coaches or teachers, and handle all the logistics.
Not all nannies are equipped for that level of coordination. Some are great at it – they’re naturally organized, they stay on top of schedules, they communicate effectively with all the various people involved in kids’ activities.
Others really struggle. They’re constantly forgetting things, showing up late, missing communications from coaches or teachers, creating stress around activity management.
If activities are a big part of your kids’ lives and your nanny can’t manage that coordination effectively, it’s a real problem that affects your kids’ ability to participate successfully.
When separation feels impossible
The hardest part of recognizing your toddler nanny isn’t working for school-age kids is that by this point, they’ve been with your family for years. You’re attached. Your kids are attached. The nanny’s practically family.
Admitting the fit isn’t working anymore feels like betraying someone who’s been loyal and devoted to your family. Some families stay in situations that aren’t working well because they can’t imagine making a change.
But keeping someone in a role they’re struggling with doesn’t actually serve them or your kids. Your nanny might be happier working with the age group where they excel. Your kids deserve care that meets their current needs, not care that was perfect three years ago but isn’t anymore.
The conversation nobody wants to have
If you’re realizing your nanny’s not transitioning well as your kids get older, you need to have an actual conversation about it rather than just being increasingly frustrated.
Be kind but honest. Acknowledge all they’ve done for your family. Recognize that caring for toddlers versus school-age kids requires different strengths. Discuss whether there are ways to adjust the role to better match their capabilities or whether it might be time to help them transition to a different family.
Most nannies would rather have honest conversations than sense that families are unhappy but not saying anything. They might be feeling the same concerns you are about whether they’re still the right fit.
Sometimes these conversations lead to creative solutions – maybe adjusting responsibilities, bringing in additional help for specific things, restructuring the role in ways that work better. Sometimes they lead to transitions where everyone recognizes it’s time for a change.
Making the role adjustment
Before deciding you need a new nanny, consider whether adjusting the current role might work.
Maybe your nanny focuses on after-school care and household tasks while you hire a tutor for homework help. Maybe they handle mornings and logistics while someone else provides enrichment activities. Maybe they do fewer hours now that kids are in school full-time and you supplement with other support.
If your nanny’s still excellent at some aspects of the job but struggling with others, restructuring responsibilities might preserve what’s working while addressing gaps.
Nashville families sometimes create hybrid arrangements where their toddler-specialist nanny stays on in a reduced role while they bring in additional support for school-age-specific needs. That can work well if everyone’s comfortable with it and if it makes financial sense.
Hiring for school-age from the start
If you’re hiring now and your kids are already school-age, hire specifically for that. Don’t hire someone whose experience is mainly with babies and toddlers and hope they’ll be fine with your seven and nine-year-olds.
Look for candidates with school-age experience. Ask about homework help capabilities. Assess their logistics management skills. Check references specifically about their work with older kids.
School-age-specialist nannies exist and they’re great with kids past the toddler stage. Don’t settle for toddler specialists just because that’s who’s available or because they seem nice. Match candidates’ strengths to your actual current needs.
When your kids outgrow the nanny
Sometimes the issue isn’t that your nanny’s struggling – it’s that your kids have genuinely outgrown needing a nanny at all. Maybe they’re old enough that they don’t need childcare in the same way anymore.
That’s a different situation than a nanny being unable to transition to school-age care. If your kids are reaching ages where they need less supervision and support, you might need to adjust staffing entirely rather than finding a different nanny.
Be honest about whether you actually still need full-time nanny care or whether you need something different – maybe part-time help, maybe a household assistant who does some kid coordination plus other tasks, maybe nothing at all.
Making peace with transitions
The nanny who was perfect for your family with babies and toddlers might not be the right nanny for your family with school-age kids. That’s not anyone’s fault. It’s just reality that different ages require different strengths.
You can appreciate everything your nanny did for your family during early childhood while also recognizing that as circumstances change, you need different support. Those aren’t contradictory ideas.
Give yourself and your nanny time to make transitions thoughtfully rather than just struggling along with a situation that’s not working. Everyone deserves roles where they can succeed and feel valued. Sometimes that means acknowledging when a once-perfect fit has evolved into something that no longer serves anyone well.
Your nanny might be incredible with someone else’s toddlers. Your school-age kids might thrive with someone who’s skilled at the specific things older kids need. Making changes that better match people’s strengths to actual needs isn’t failure – it’s smart adaptation to changing circumstances.
