Three months in, your housekeeper is doing things completely differently than you expected. You’re frustrated. She’s confused. Neither of you said anything because you both assumed the other person knew what you wanted.
This is the most common problem in household employment. Not bad people, not incompetence, just unclear expectations from the beginning.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see this constantly in Miami and everywhere else. Families assume staff know what they want. Staff assume families will tell them. Nobody communicates clearly. Then everyone’s confused and frustrated three months later.
The solution is setting clear expectations from day one. Here’s how to do it.
Why Assumptions Create Problems
You grew up with a housekeeper who cleaned a certain way. You assume all housekeepers clean that way. Yours doesn’t. You’re irritated. She has no idea why.
Your house manager worked for a family who wanted daily updates via text. She assumes that’s standard. You find her constant texting overwhelming. She thinks she’s being thorough.
Your private chef’s last family wanted elaborate dinner parties every weekend. He assumes you do too and plans accordingly. You actually prefer simple family dinners. He’s confused when you don’t use his elaborate menus.
Assumptions cause mismatched expectations. Mismatched expectations cause frustration. Frustration that festers causes employment relationships to fail.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve seen excellent household staff fail in positions because nobody took 30 minutes to clarify expectations at the beginning.
A family in Miami hired a house manager with great experience. Three months later they were ready to fire her because she wasn’t handling things the way they wanted. When we talked to both sides, the issue was simple: she was managing the house perfectly well, just not the way this specific family preferred. Nobody had ever told her their preferences. She was working based on how her previous families operated.
One conversation on day one would have prevented months of frustration.
The Day-One Conversation You Need to Have
On your new staff member’s first day, sit down for a real conversation. Not just “welcome, here’s where things are” but an actual discussion about expectations.
Cover these topics explicitly:
Work hours and schedule. When do you expect them to arrive? When can they leave? Is there flexibility or is it strict? What happens if they need to leave early or arrive late?
Communication preferences. How do you want to be communicated with? Text? Email? In person? How often do you want updates? What kinds of things need your approval versus what they can decide independently?
Boundaries and privacy. What rooms or areas are off-limits? When can they access certain spaces? What’s appropriate for them to know or ask about versus what’s private?
Quality standards. What does “clean” mean to you? What does “well-organized” look like? Give specific examples. Show them, don’t just tell them.
Decision-making authority. What can they handle on their own? What needs your approval? Where’s the line?
At Seaside Staffing Company, we provide families with a checklist for this conversation. The families who actually use it have way fewer problems down the road.
A family in Coral Gables spent an hour on day one with their new estate manager going through all of this. She knew exactly what they expected, how they wanted to be communicated with, what decisions she could make independently. A year later, the relationship was still working beautifully because that foundation was solid from the start.
Work Hours, Schedule, Flexibility Expectations
Be specific about time.
“I need you here 9 to 5” is clearer than “regular business hours.”
“You can leave as soon as you’re done with the cleaning tasks” is different from “you need to be here for the full eight hours.”
“I need two days notice if you need to adjust your schedule” is different from “just let me know if you can’t make it.”
Define what flexibility exists and what doesn’t. Can they swap days if needed? Can they arrive late if they stay late? Can they leave early if they finish tasks early?
Also define what happens in emergencies or unusual circumstances. What if you need them to work on a day off? What if they’re sick? What’s the protocol?
At Seaside Staffing Company, schedule confusion is one of the top sources of friction between families and staff. Solve it upfront.
A family in Miami Beach told their house manager “flexible hours” but then got annoyed when she arrived at different times each day. She thought flexible meant she could set her schedule as long as work got done. They thought flexible meant they could ask her to come at different times. Neither was wrong, they just had different definitions. One conversation defining “flexible” would have prevented the issue.
Communication Preferences
People have wildly different communication styles. Define yours.
Do you want daily check-ins or just to hear about problems? Do you want texts throughout the day or a summary email at the end? Do you want to be told every little thing or only the important stuff?
Some families want to know everything. Their house manager texts them photos of every repair, every vendor who comes, every minor decision. They love it.
Other families find that overwhelming. They want to be told about major issues and left alone for everything else.
Neither is wrong, but your staff member can’t read your mind. Tell them what you want.
Also tell them your response time expectations. If they text you, how quickly do you typically respond? If it’s urgent, how should they flag it?
And critically: tell them your boundaries around after-hours communication. Can they text you on weekends? At night? Or is that only for true emergencies?
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see families and staff have completely different ideas about appropriate communication frequency. Setting expectations prevents resentment on both sides.
A family in Coconut Grove wanted minimal communication from their housekeeper. They told her on day one: “Unless something is broken, on fire, or you have a question you can’t figure out, you don’t need to text me. Just do your job and we’ll check in once a week.” She loved it. No pressure to constantly update them. They loved it. No endless texts.
Boundary Expectations
What boundaries exist in your home?
Are there rooms staff shouldn’t enter unless they’re specifically cleaning them? Is your bedroom off-limits outside of cleaning times? Is your home office private?
Can staff use your kitchen during their shift? Can they eat food from your refrigerator? Use your bathroom or do they need to use a different one?
These feel like awkward things to discuss, but not discussing them creates way more awkwardness later.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we encourage families to be explicit about boundaries even if it feels weird. Staff appreciate clarity.
A family in Miami had a home gym they used every morning. They didn’t want their housekeeper cleaning in there before 10am because they’d be using it. They felt weird telling her that, so they didn’t. For three weeks, she showed up at 8am and started cleaning the gym while they were trying to work out. Finally they told her. She was mortified and wished they’d mentioned it on day one.
Physical boundaries are one thing. Privacy boundaries are another.
How much should staff know about your personal life? What’s appropriate for them to observe or overhear versus what should they tactfully ignore?
You can’t control everything they see or hear when they work in your home. But you can set expectations about discretion and privacy.
How Decisions Get Made and What Needs Approval
This is huge for roles like house managers, estate managers, and private chefs.
What decisions can they make independently? What needs your approval first?
Can your house manager hire contractors on her own or does she need to get your approval? Can she order household supplies independently or run purchases by you first? Can she make decisions about routine maintenance or does everything need your sign-off?
Can your private chef plan menus on his own or do you want to approve the weekly plan? Can he try new recipes or stick to things you’ve already approved?
Can your estate manager authorize spending up to a certain amount on her own? What’s the threshold where she needs to check with you?
None of these have a universal right answer. Some families want lots of control. Others want to hand things off completely. But staff need to know where the line is.
At Seaside Staffing Company, unclear decision-making authority causes constant friction. Staff either make decisions families wanted input on, or they ask about every tiny thing when families wanted them to be independent.
A family in Key Biscayne told their estate manager: “Anything under $500 for routine household maintenance, you can handle on your own. Anything over that, or anything that’s not routine, run it by us first. For contractors we haven’t used before, introduce us even if it’s under $500.” Crystal clear. She knew exactly when to make calls independently and when to check in.
Quality Standards and How to Explain Them
“Clean” means different things to different people. So does “organized,” “well-maintained,” and “presentable.”
Show your new staff member what you mean. Don’t just say “I want the kitchen clean.” Show them what clean means to you. Do you want every appliance wiped down daily? Do you want the inside of the microwave cleaned weekly? Do you care if the fronts of the cabinets are fingerprint-free?
For housekeepers especially, walk through the house and physically show them your standards. Point out what matters to you and what doesn’t.
For house managers, show them how you like things organized and maintained. Some families want color-coded pantries. Others don’t care as long as it’s functional.
For private chefs, be explicit about food preferences, dietary restrictions, portion sizes, presentation standards.
Don’t assume people know. Show and tell.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families that 30 minutes of showing is worth hours of explaining.
A family in Pinecrest walked their new housekeeper through the entire house on day one, showing her exactly what they cared about. “We don’t care about this guest room staying perfect, it barely gets used. But this bathroom needs to be spotless always because we use it constantly. The kitchen counters need to be wiped down after every meal. The laundry can wait, that’s not urgent.”
The housekeeper knew exactly where to focus her energy and what the family’s actual priorities were. She wasn’t wasting time on things that didn’t matter to them.
What Success Looks Like in This Role
Paint a picture of what success looks like three months, six months, a year from now.
For a house manager: “Success means the house runs smoothly without me having to think about it. Contractors show up when they should. Maintenance happens proactively. I’m not dealing with household emergencies constantly.”
For a private chef: “Success means our family is eating healthier, trying new foods, and I’m not stressed about what’s for dinner every night.”
For a housekeeper: “Success means the house always feels clean and organized even though we have three kids making messes constantly.”
This gives staff a vision to work toward. They understand not just the tasks but the bigger goal.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see staff thrive when they understand the purpose behind their work, not just the task list.
How Feedback Will Be Given
Tell staff upfront how you’ll give feedback.
Will you do formal check-ins weekly or monthly? Will you give feedback in real-time as issues come up? Do you prefer to discuss things in person or via text/email?
Also set the expectation that feedback goes both ways. You’ll tell them how they’re doing, and you want to hear from them if something isn’t working.
Some families give tons of real-time feedback. “Hey, the bathroom wasn’t as clean as usual today.” Others save it for weekly or monthly check-ins.
Neither approach is wrong, but staff should know what to expect.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families that regular, specific feedback prevents problems from festering. If something bothers you on Tuesday, address it Tuesday. Don’t save it for three months and then explode.
A family in South Beach told their house manager: “If something isn’t right, I’ll tell you same-day or next-day. I won’t let things build up. And if something isn’t working for you, I want to hear about it immediately. Let’s address things when they’re small.”
That permission to give and receive feedback regularly kept the relationship healthy.
Trial Period Parameters
Most household employment should have a trial period. Usually 90 days.
Be explicit about this upfront. “The first 90 days are a trial period. We’ll both assess whether this is a good fit. At 90 days, if we’re both happy, we’ll continue. If either of us feels it’s not working, we can end it with two weeks notice.”
This takes pressure off both parties. Neither of you is locked in forever from day one.
During the trial period, check in regularly. Don’t wait until day 89 to say it’s not working.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we structure most placements with trial periods. It protects everyone.
Compensation, Benefits, Time Off Clearly Stated
On day one, confirm everything in writing.
Salary or hourly rate. Pay frequency (weekly, biweekly, monthly). How you’ll handle taxes (W-2, 1099, household payroll service). What benefits you’re providing (health insurance, PTO, paid holidays, etc.). How time off requests work.
Put it in an offer letter or simple employment agreement. Don’t leave compensation and benefits to memory or assumptions.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we provide families with employment agreement templates. Use them.
A family in Miami Shores forgot to clarify PTO expectations with their new house manager. Three months in, she asked for a week off and they were surprised. They’d assumed she wouldn’t take vacation in the first year. She’d assumed she had two weeks available from day one. Both were frustrated because it had never been discussed.
What Happens If Things Aren’t Working
Part of setting expectations is discussing what happens if the job isn’t working out.
“If at any point this isn’t a good fit for either of us, let’s talk about it directly. During the trial period, either of us can end it with two weeks notice. After the trial period, we’d appreciate a month’s notice if you’re planning to leave, and we’ll give you the same if we need to make a change.”
This feels uncomfortable to discuss on day one, but it prevents way more discomfort later.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to address this upfront. It’s not negative, it’s realistic.
Putting Expectations in Writing
After the day-one conversation, put key points in writing.
This doesn’t need to be a formal legal contract (though for senior roles, a written agreement is smart). It can be a simple email summarizing what you discussed.
“Thanks for the great first day. Just to confirm what we discussed: your hours are Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm. You can text me anytime during work hours, and I’ll typically respond within an hour. For decisions under $200, you can handle on your own. For anything over that, check with me first. You have three weeks PTO per year, and we’re closed on major holidays. Let me know if I’m missing anything or if you have questions.”
This gives both of you something to refer back to if there’s ever confusion.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we can’t stress enough how valuable written confirmation of expectations is. Memories fade. Written agreements don’t.
Checking In Regularly to Course-Correct
Setting expectations once isn’t enough. Check in regularly.
Week one: “How’s everything going? Any questions? Anything unclear?”
Month one: “We’re a month in. How are you feeling about the role? Is there anything we should adjust?”
Month three: “End of trial period. Let’s discuss how things are going and if we’re both happy continuing.”
Ongoing: Monthly or quarterly check-ins to make sure everything’s still working.
These conversations let you course-correct small issues before they become big problems.
At Seaside Staffing Company, the families with the most stable household employment are the ones who communicate regularly.
Real Examples of Expectation Mismatches That Created Problems
A family in Miami hired a private chef expecting elaborate multi-course dinners nightly. The chef thought he was hired for simple, healthy family meals. They were both frustrated until they finally discussed it three months in. They should have clarified on day one.
A family in Aventura wanted their house manager to be very independent and handle things without checking in. The house manager came from a family where she had to get approval for everything. She kept asking permission for routine decisions. They got annoyed at her constant questions. She was confused about why they were annoyed. Nobody had set expectations about decision-making autonomy.
A family in Coral Gables assumed their housekeeper would do laundry as part of cleaning. The housekeeper assumed laundry was a separate service she’d charge extra for. Three months of tension over something that could have been clarified in five minutes on day one.
Most problems in household employment start with unclear expectations. Someone assumed something. Someone else assumed something different. Nobody actually talked about it explicitly.
The solution is simple but requires effort: have real conversations about expectations from the very beginning. Be specific. Put key things in writing. Check in regularly. Adjust as needed.
The 30 minutes you invest in setting clear expectations on day one will save you hours of frustration, conflict, and potentially losing good staff over preventable misunderstandings.
