Your house manager texts you constantly. Updates, questions, check-ins, photos. You find it overwhelming. She thinks she’s being thorough and responsive. Neither of you is wrong, you just have different communication styles.
This mismatch creates friction in household employment all the time. Not because anyone’s doing anything wrong, but because you never established how you actually want to communicate.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see communication issues derail otherwise good working relationships in Seattle and everywhere else. The staff member is great. The family is reasonable. But they’re communicating in ways that drive each other crazy.
Here’s how to figure out what communication style works for your household and actually implement it.
Why Communication Style Matters More Than You Think
Communication style affects everything in household employment.
How often you talk determines whether problems get caught early or fester. How you talk determines whether feedback gets received well or creates defensiveness. Whether you’re aligned on communication preferences affects how stressful the relationship feels.
A family that wants daily updates paired with staff who only communicates when there’s a problem will be constantly anxious. “Why haven’t I heard from her? Is something wrong?”
A family that wants minimal contact paired with staff who needs frequent check-ins will feel suffocated. “Why is she texting me twelve times a day?”
Neither the family nor the staff is wrong. They just have incompatible communication styles.
At Seaside Staffing Company, when we’re placing staff with families, we pay attention to communication preferences. It matters as much as skills and experience.
A family in Seattle’s Capitol Hill is very hands-off. They want to hire someone, tell them what needs doing, and not think about it again. Their ideal house manager communicates once a week with a summary of what happened and what’s coming up.
Another family in Queen Anne wants constant updates. They like knowing everything happening in their household. Their ideal house manager texts photos throughout the day and checks in frequently.
Both families need house managers. But they need very different communication styles. Matching that matters.
The Overcommunicator vs. the Undercommunicator
Most communication mismatches fall into this pattern.
The overcommunicator texts constantly. Every decision, every update, every minor thing gets communicated. They think they’re being thorough and keeping you informed. You feel bombarded.
The undercommunicator only reaches out when absolutely necessary. They think they’re being efficient and not bothering you. You feel out of the loop and anxious about what you don’t know.
Neither style is inherently bad. But if you’re an undercommunicator employing an overcommunicator, or vice versa, you’ll drive each other crazy.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we help families and staff find middle ground or at least understand each other’s style.
A family in Seattle hired an estate manager who texted constantly. The family felt overwhelmed. They finally said, “We appreciate you keeping us informed, but the constant texts are too much. Can you batch updates into one text at the end of the day unless something is urgent?”
She adjusted. Problem solved. But they had to actually say something instead of just being silently frustrated.
Text vs. Email vs. In-Person: What Works When
Different communication methods work for different types of information.
Text is good for: Quick updates, time-sensitive questions, scheduling changes, urgent issues.
Email is good for: Longer explanations, non-urgent updates, documentation of decisions, weekly summaries.
In-person is good for: Feedback conversations, discussing problems, complex explanations, relationship building.
Phone calls are good for: Urgent issues when text isn’t enough, detailed discussions when in-person isn’t possible.
The problem happens when families and staff have different default modes.
Your housekeeper prefers in-person conversations. You prefer text because you’re rarely home. Mismatch.
Your house manager sends long emails. You never read long emails and prefer quick texts. Mismatch.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to explicitly define which communication methods work for which situations.
A family in Madison Park told their private chef: “For menu planning and grocery lists, email is great. For day-of questions or schedule changes, text me. For any issues or feedback, let’s talk in person when I’m home.”
The chef knew exactly how to communicate different types of information. No guessing.
Daily Updates vs. Weekly Check-Ins vs. As-Needed
How often should household staff communicate with you?
Some families want daily check-ins. Others want weekly summaries. Others want to hear nothing unless there’s a problem.
All of these are valid. You just need to pick one and tell your staff.
Daily updates work well for families who like being in the loop constantly or who have complex household operations that change frequently.
Weekly check-ins work well for families who want regular communication but don’t need daily details.
As-needed communication works well for families who’ve hired staff specifically to not have to think about household stuff constantly.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see all three approaches work depending on the family and the role.
A family in Ballard wants a weekly email from their house manager every Sunday evening. “Here’s what happened this week, here’s what’s coming next week, here are any decisions you need to make.” That’s their rhythm. Works perfectly for them.
A family in West Seattle wants nothing unless there’s an issue. Their estate manager texts them maybe twice a month. They love it. They hired her to handle everything so they don’t have to think about it.
Neither approach is wrong. Pick what works for you and communicate it clearly.
How Much Detail You Want
Some families want to know every single thing. The contractor came to fix the sink, here’s what he did, here’s what he charged, here’s when he’s coming back for follow-up, here are photos of the work.
Other families just want to know: sink is fixed.
Again, neither is wrong. But your staff needs to know which type you are.
If you want lots of detail and your house manager gives you none, you’ll feel anxious. If you want minimal detail and your house manager gives you a novel about everything, you’ll feel overwhelmed.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to give examples of the level of detail they want.
A family in Green Lake told their estate manager: “When vendors come, I just need to know who came, what they did, and how much it cost. I don’t need photos or detailed explanations unless something unusual happened.”
She adjusted her communication style accordingly. Simple.
Response Time Expectations on Both Sides
How quickly do you respond when staff contact you? How quickly do you expect them to respond when you contact them?
If you want your house manager to respond to texts within an hour but you take three days to respond to her questions, that’s an unfair double standard.
Set mutual expectations about response times.
During work hours, responses within an hour or two are reasonable. Outside work hours is different. If it’s truly urgent, immediate. If it’s not urgent, staff shouldn’t expect you to respond at 9pm, and you shouldn’t expect them to respond either.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see frustration when expectations aren’t matched. Families expect instant responses from staff but take days to approve decisions staff are waiting on.
A family in Fremont and their house manager agreed: during work hours, both will respond within two hours unless in a meeting or unavailable. Outside work hours, only genuinely urgent things get immediate responses. Everything else waits until the next work day.
Both sides knew what to expect. No resentment about delayed responses.
After-Hours Communication Boundaries
This is critical and often unclear.
Can your staff text you at 8pm on a Saturday? What about Sunday morning? What constitutes urgent enough to contact you outside work hours?
Can you text your staff at 10pm on their day off? Should you?
Set explicit boundaries about after-hours communication.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families and staff to define this upfront because violations of after-hours boundaries create serious resentment.
A family in Wallingford told their estate manager: “During your work hours, text anytime. Outside your work hours, only contact us if something is truly urgent, like a burst pipe or a security issue. Routine stuff can wait.”
And they held themselves to the same standard. They didn’t text her on weekends or evenings unless it was genuinely urgent.
Mutual respect for off-hours boundaries.
How to Give Feedback in Real-Time vs. Scheduled Conversations
Some families give feedback constantly. “The bathroom wasn’t as clean as usual today.” “Can you organize the pantry differently?” Real-time, immediate.
Others save feedback for weekly or monthly check-in conversations.
Neither is wrong, but staff need to know what to expect.
Constant real-time feedback can feel nitpicky if staff aren’t prepared for it. But it also prevents issues from building up.
Scheduled feedback conversations feel more formal but can mean small issues fester for weeks before they’re addressed.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we generally recommend a combination. Small things get addressed in real-time casually. Bigger things or patterns get discussed in scheduled conversations.
A family in Ravenna does real-time feedback for specific tasks. “Hey, can you use this product instead of that one on the counters?” But they have a monthly sit-down with their house manager for bigger picture conversations about how things are going overall.
Different Communication Needs for Different Roles
Different household roles might need different communication approaches.
Your estate manager might need daily or weekly check-ins because she’s coordinating complex projects and vendor relationships.
Your housekeeper might only need communication when something changes or when you have specific requests.
Your private chef might need to check in about menus weekly but otherwise works independently.
Tailor your communication expectations to the role and the person.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see families try to impose one communication style across all staff. That doesn’t always work.
A family in Seattle has an estate manager they check in with daily, a housekeeper they communicate with via text as needed, and a private chef they have a weekly meal planning conversation with. Each role gets the communication rhythm that makes sense for that job.
What to Do When Styles Really Clash
Sometimes you and your staff member have fundamentally incompatible communication styles and neither can really adjust.
You’re very hands-on and want constant updates. Your house manager is very independent and finds check-ins intrusive.
You prefer minimal communication. Your estate manager needs frequent feedback and feels anxious without regular check-ins.
If you’ve both tried to adjust and it’s still not working, that might be a fundamental incompatibility.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve seen otherwise excellent working relationships fall apart over communication style mismatches. Sometimes you just can’t bridge the gap.
If that’s the case, acknowledge it. “I think we have different communication styles and neither of us is wrong, but they might not be compatible. Let’s talk about whether this is something we can work around or if this role might not be the right fit.”
It’s not a failure, it’s just recognizing that communication compatibility matters.
Adjusting Communication as Relationships Develop
Communication needs often change over time.
Early on, you might need frequent check-ins because you’re both learning. Six months in, you might need less communication because everyone’s comfortable.
Or the reverse. You started hands-off, but realized you actually want more updates.
It’s okay to adjust. Just communicate about it.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to revisit communication expectations periodically. What worked at month one might not work at month six.
A family in Magnolia started with daily check-ins with their new house manager. Six months in, they realized they didn’t need that anymore. They talked to her and shifted to weekly updates. She appreciated the autonomy. They appreciated less communication clutter.
Cultural Differences in Communication Styles
Different cultures have different communication norms.
Some cultures value very direct communication. Others are more indirect. Some cultures expect formal communication. Others are more casual.
If you and your household staff come from different cultural backgrounds, some communication friction might be cultural rather than personal.
Be aware of this. Don’t assume your communication style is universal. Be willing to discuss and bridge cultural differences.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we work with diverse families and staff. Cultural competence in communication matters.
A family in Seattle hired a house manager from a culture where directly disagreeing with employers was considered disrespectful. She’d say “yes” to everything even when she had concerns. The family wanted honest feedback and felt like she was holding back. They finally discussed the cultural difference, and she felt more comfortable sharing concerns once she understood they genuinely wanted her input.
Real Examples of Families and Staff Finding Their Rhythm
A family in Bellevue and their estate manager started with mismatched communication styles. The family wanted minimal contact. The estate manager texted constantly. After three weeks, the family said, “We appreciate how thorough you are, but the constant texts are overwhelming. Can we try this: a weekly email summary on Sundays, and texts only for things that need our immediate input?” She agreed. Worked perfectly.
A family in Capitol Hill thought they wanted hands-off communication with their house manager. But after two months, they felt totally out of the loop and anxious. They told her, “We thought we wanted minimal communication, but we’re realizing we want more updates. Can we do a quick check-in every Monday morning, even if it’s just five minutes?” She was happy to. Problem solved.
A family in Queen Anne and their private chef had opposite communication preferences. The chef wanted detailed feedback after every meal. The family just wanted to say “that was great” or “we didn’t love that one” without discussion. They compromised: the chef could ask for detailed feedback when he was trying new recipes, but routine meals didn’t need in-depth discussion. Both were happy.
The key in all these examples was actually talking about communication preferences instead of silently being frustrated.
When to Have the Communication Preferences Conversation
Ideally, day one. During the onboarding conversation, discuss how you prefer to communicate.
But if you’re already weeks or months in and communication isn’t working, it’s not too late. Have the conversation now.
“I’ve realized we might have different communication styles. Can we talk about what works best for both of us?”
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families it’s never too late to clarify communication expectations. Better to address it now than let it fester.
Most communication problems in household employment are fixable. They just require actually talking about it.
Figure out your communication style. Figure out your staff member’s style. Find a middle ground that works for both of you. Be explicit about what you want. Adjust as needed.
Communication compatibility might seem like a small thing, but it affects everything else in the relationship. Get it right, and even challenging situations feel manageable. Get it wrong, and even easy situations feel stressful.
It’s worth the conversation.
