Most families employing household staff either skip performance reviews entirely or treat them like uncomfortable obligations that both parties want to rush through as quickly as possible. You sit down once a year, say some vague nice things about their work, maybe mention one or two small issues, give them their annual raise, and call it done. Nobody gets real feedback, nothing meaningful changes, and the whole exercise feels pointless.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we think performance reviews are one of the most underutilized tools families have for maintaining strong relationships with their household staff. Done well, reviews create clarity about expectations, recognize excellent work, address issues before they become serious problems, and give staff a roadmap for professional development. Done poorly, they’re just awkward conversations that everyone dreads. The difference is in actually treating them as real professional evaluations rather than formalities you have to get through.
The biggest mistake families make is only doing reviews when they’re required by an employment contract or when they’re deciding whether to give someone a raise. Performance conversations shouldn’t be annual events – they should be ongoing. Your estate manager shouldn’t be hearing for the first time in their yearly review that you’ve been unhappy with how they’re managing vendors. Your housekeeper shouldn’t be surprised to learn that you wish they’d take more initiative. If review time is when you’re finally addressing issues that have been bothering you all year, you’re doing it wrong.
Think of formal annual reviews as summaries of conversations you’ve been having all along. You should already be giving regular feedback – positive and constructive – throughout the year. The review is where you step back and look at patterns, assess overall performance, and set goals for the coming year. It’s not where you ambush someone with criticisms they’ve never heard before.
Start by being clear about what you’re evaluating. For household staff, performance isn’t just about task completion. Yes, you care whether your house is clean and meals are prepared on time, but you also care about attitude, communication, problem-solving, discretion, and how they handle unexpected situations. Make a list of the core competencies that matter for the specific role. For an estate manager, that might include organization, vendor management, communication, initiative, and budget management. For a housekeeper, it might be attention to detail, time management, flexibility, and reliability.
Before the review, gather specific examples. Don’t just say “You’re great at communication” – point to specific instances where their communication skills made a difference. “When we had that plumbing emergency in August, you handled coordination with the contractor beautifully and kept me informed without over-communicating.” Don’t just say “You need to improve your attention to detail” – give concrete examples. “I’ve noticed that the baseboards in the living room haven’t been cleaned in several weeks, and there have been a few times when you’ve missed spots while dusting.”
At Seaside Staffing Company, we recommend structuring reviews around three questions: What’s going well? What needs improvement? What are the goals for next year? This keeps things balanced and forward-looking rather than just dwelling on problems or just offering praise without substance.
Start with what’s going well. Be specific and genuine. Your staff need to hear what they’re doing right, especially the things they might not realize you notice and appreciate. “Your discretion when we have guests has been excellent. You maintain professionalism and privacy without being cold or distant, and that’s a hard balance to strike.” Recognition for good work motivates people to continue performing at that level.
When you address areas for improvement, frame them as professional development opportunities rather than failures. “I’d like to see you take more initiative with household projects. Right now you do an excellent job with everything I ask you to handle, but I think you could add even more value by identifying things that need attention and bringing solutions to me rather than waiting for me to notice problems.” That’s constructive and specific. It tells them exactly what behavior you want to see more of.
Be honest about serious issues, but don’t blindside people. If there’s a significant performance problem, it should have been addressed when it happened, not saved up for the annual review. Reviews are for patterns and overall assessment, not for delivering news that someone’s job is in jeopardy. If you’re at that point, that’s a separate conversation that needs to happen immediately, not months from now during their scheduled review.
Ask your staff for their perspective. “How do you think this year has gone? What parts of your job do you feel strongest about? Where do you feel like you could use more support or clarity from me?” This isn’t just about making them feel heard – you often get valuable information about barriers to good performance that you weren’t aware of. Maybe they’re struggling with something because you haven’t given them the tools or authority they need. Maybe they’re unclear about priorities. Maybe there’s an issue with another staff member that’s affecting their work.
Set concrete goals for the coming year. Not vague aspirations like “continue doing great work” but specific, measurable objectives. “This year I’d like you to take ownership of managing the seasonal deep cleaning schedule. That means creating the schedule, hiring any additional help needed, and managing those workers while they’re here.” Now your staff member knows exactly what success looks like and what you’ll be evaluating them on next year.
Talk about professional development. What skills do they want to build? What training or certifications would benefit them in their role? Are there areas where they’d like to take on more responsibility? This shows that you see them as professionals with career trajectories, not just people who perform tasks in your house. In competitive markets like Seattle, the best household staff are thinking about their long-term career development, and families who support that tend to retain staff longer.
Address compensation during reviews, but don’t let the whole conversation become about money. Discuss their performance first, then transition to discussing any raises or changes to benefits. If you’re giving a raise, explain why – “Based on your strong performance this year, particularly your excellent work managing the renovation project, I’m increasing your salary by X percent.” If you’re not giving a raise, explain why clearly. “I’m pleased with your work overall, but because we discussed several performance issues early in the year that we’re still working on, I want to see sustained improvement before adjusting compensation.”
Document the review. Write down what was discussed, what goals were set, what improvements are expected, and any commitments you made about resources or support. Give your staff a copy. This creates accountability on both sides and gives you something to reference throughout the year and at the next review.
Follow through on what you discuss. If you say you’re going to provide them with better tools or more support in a certain area, actually do it. If you set goals, check in on progress throughout the year. If you promise to reconsider compensation after they’ve completed a certain project or shown improvement in a specific area, actually revisit it when they’ve done what you asked. Your staff will stop taking reviews seriously if nothing you discuss ever translates into real changes.
Pay attention to how your staff respond to feedback. Good employees will take constructive criticism seriously, ask clarifying questions, and make genuine efforts to improve. They’ll also push back respectfully if they disagree with your assessment, and that can be valuable – maybe you’re missing information or judging them on something that’s actually not their responsibility. Defensive, excuse-making responses, or complete lack of follow-through on improvement areas, are red flags about someone’s professionalism and commitment to growth.
Make reviews a positive experience overall, even when you’re addressing issues. The goal is to end the conversation with your staff feeling recognized for their strengths, clear about expectations, and motivated to perform well. If reviews feel punitive or perfunctory, you’re missing an opportunity to strengthen your working relationship and improve performance.
Most household staff want clear expectations and regular feedback. They want to know how they’re doing, where they can improve, and what their future looks like with your family. Performance reviews, done well, provide all of that. Skipping them or treating them as meaningless formalities is a mistake that costs you the chance to build a stronger, more effective household team.
