Respecting Limits: Effective Communication for Parents Without Crossing Boundaries | Seaside Staffing Company

By Dara Yates 2024.01.05

Many things have changed in the world and within our profession. Cell phones are usually a big “no-no” in the course of our day when we are working with our charges, but cell phones are also essential for communication with our parents, especially if we are nannying for a set of parents that work out of the house. However, cell phones, overbearing parents and nannies that need some sense of autonomy can be a big problem when combined all together. I am not saying either one of the characters on this stage are at fault, but its a great piece to be looked at and considered from both nanny and parent perspective. Here is the communication during this scenario.

This horrible event serves as a reminder of the importance of effective communication, understanding, and maintaining a collaborative effort to navigate the complexities of the caregiver-parent dynamic. It is so important to be able to create an environment where concerns can be openly discussed ensures a healthier and more productive relationship for everyone involved.

Dear Mom,

I’m VERY upset today. When I checked my phone and saw 5 missed calls and 4 missed text messages from you, I got a little worried. I thought something had happened. The reason I didn’t answer your calls and messages was because my ringer was turned off because I was using my phone as white noise for the baby so she could sleep peacefully and so that the toddler didn’t keep waking her up every few seconds. He was already acting out and making noise on purpose and she was having a very difficult time sleeping between his banging and her stuffy nose/binky falling out problem.

After an hour or so, I realized I had forgotten my ringer and rushed to my phone to see your barrage of calls and texts. Ok, so I forgot about Gymboree. It was an honest mistake and to tell you the truth, there is *No Way* I can keep track of all the information you give me and all the notes you have for me all day everyday. Your communication style is crazy, excessive and completely unacceptable! You email, call and text me non-stop! You HAVE to understand and respect the fact that I am busy with your young children and that they require my full attention at ALL times.

I feel like I focus on YOU more than your children, and that’s crazy to me. I am not the type of nanny who likes to be on my phone all day, texting and emailing and answering calls. I feel like I work in an office and not as a nanny. You have to understand that when you take so much of my time, you distract me and keep me from being able to focus, be organized and do all the things you want done before I leave at 5 pm, including caring for and entertaining your children. I feel frazzled and unable to think when you bombard me with your emails, calls and texts.

You are HIGHLY controlling and bossy and I just can’t work with that. Also, you don’t need to remind me over and over of things we talked about, agreed on and signed on in the contract, like watering the plants. There was no reason for you to email me about that, it was redundant.

You also have to understand that I am a 32 year-old woman and I don’t want to be treated like a child. I have my own style and a lot of creativity, but you make me feel very stupid and incompetent, especially when you try to explain how every child-related item works. I think you’re forgetting that I have been doing this for close to 10 years!

I expect my employers to treat me with respect and to understand how important my job is and that it can be difficult at times, especially with multiple children. The way you speak (your tone) in your emails is like a boss/slave type of relationship. For ex: “tomorrow, I’m going to have you do this and this and also I’m going to have you do this”, as if I have no choice! I would prefer if you said “Nanny, would you mind doing this for me tomorrow? I understand you’re very busy with my children and if you don’t get to it, it’s no big deal”.

I also want to let you know that it is highly unprofessional and unacceptable for you to be contacting me at any time that I am not at work. It’s not ok for you to text, call or email me after 5 pm, on the weekends (like last Saturday morning at 7:30!) and when I am on vacation. You were trying to work out the training schedule with me while I was on vacation and that is just plain crazy! I am not on call for you 24/7 and I have other things going on in my life that you have to respect. I need my life and my nanny position to be happy and positive and you really stress me out.

****Please take this as my 2 weeks notice****. I meant to cc your husband on this, but I don’t have his email so please feel free to forward this to him.

I felt that this was crucial to share. It is upsetting to read and you can only imagine how the mother felt with the tone and delivery of this from her newly hired nanny. From a nanny perspective, I think we have all felt angry at one time or another, but to actually write and carry out a note such as this is unproductive and it shows the nanny has no self-awareness. This could have been handled in a way in which didn’t upset anyone if the nanny just sat down with the mother and had a dialogue.