A family in Pacific Heights told us last January they’d never once done a formal review with their house manager in the three years she’d been working for them. “We just tell her she’s doing great whenever we think about it,” the husband said. “That’s basically the same thing, right?”
Not really, no. Look, casual praise is nice. Saying “thanks, you’re doing great” when you think about it is definitely better than saying nothing. But it’s not the same as sitting down for an actual performance conversation where you talk through what’s working, what could be better, and where things are headed.
We see this all the time. Families skip formal reviews because they figure their house manager or estate manager probably knows if they’re happy with them. Then six months later they’re confused about why their staff seems checked out, or why expectations aren’t being met, or why someone suddenly quits for another family. Turns out people actually need real feedback and professional development conversations, not just occasional “you’re doing fine” comments in passing.
After twenty years working with families and household staff throughout San Francisco, I can tell you that proper year-end reviews make a huge difference for everyone. Staff get actual clarity about how they’re doing and where they can grow. Families get chances to address small concerns before they become big problems. Everyone ends up on the same page about what’s expected and what success looks like.
But doing reviews well takes more than just a five-minute chat where you say everything’s fine. Here’s what actually needs to happen.
Why Even Bother with Formal Reviews?
Some families wonder if structured performance reviews are actually necessary for household staff. You see your house manager almost every day. You work pretty closely together. They probably have a sense of whether you’re happy with them or not. Why make it weird by formalizing it?
Here’s the thing – casual feedback just doesn’t cover everything that formal reviews accomplish. Sure, it’s nice when you tell someone they did a great job on something. But that doesn’t give them a real understanding of their strengths overall, where they could improve, what their trajectory looks like with your family, or how you actually see their future.
Formal reviews also create space for conversations that just don’t happen naturally on a random Tuesday afternoon. Your house manager’s probably not going to randomly ask “hey, what do you think my development areas are?” while you’re discussing grocery lists. But they genuinely want that information so they can grow professionally.
Plus, reviews give you documentation of performance over time. If compensation discussions come up later, or if you need to make employment decisions down the road, having actual written performance records helps everyone. You can point to specific things rather than just going off vague feelings about how someone’s been doing.
And honestly, for household staff, formal reviews signal that you take their professional development seriously. That you see household employment as real career work, not just “the help” you barely think about. That matters a lot for whether people stick around long-term.
When and How Long
Do reviews in late November or early December, before the holiday chaos hits but late enough that you can actually assess the whole year’s performance. Some families wait until January but that just pushes everything back and delays important conversations about money and goals for the new year.
Set aside real time for this – at least an hour for your estate manager or house manager, maybe 45 minutes for other professional staff. Don’t try to squeeze this into a rushed 15-minute thing between other meetings. It won’t work and it’ll feel dismissive.
Let people know reviews are coming well in advance so they can prepare too. Some families ask staff to do self-assessments beforehand, which can be really valuable. You get to see how someone views their own performance compared to how you see it, and that gap tells you interesting things.
And do reviews before you’ve already decided on bonuses and raises. Reviews should inform what you do with compensation, not the other way around. Don’t walk in having already made all your money decisions and then try to justify those numbers after the fact. That’s backwards.
What You’re Actually Evaluating
Good reviews cover multiple aspects of how someone’s doing, not just “do they show up on time and avoid causing problems.”
Their core job stuff: How well is your house manager or estate manager handling the fundamental responsibilities? Are household operations running smoothly? Do they manage vendors well? Are they proactive about maintenance before things become emergencies? Do they communicate clearly with you about what’s happening?
Be specific here. Don’t just say “you do a good job managing the house.” Say something like “I really appreciated how you caught that HVAC issue before it turned into a full breakdown. Getting it handled efficiently saved us a huge headache and probably a lot of money.”
Problem-solving and initiative: Does your estate manager see problems coming before they hit? When issues do come up, do they bring you solutions or just flag problems and wait for you to figure it out? Do they actually take ownership?
San Francisco households can be complex – multiple properties, smart home tech everywhere, sustainability concerns, earthquake prep. Staff who proactively handle these things without being told add way more value than people who just maintain basic operations.
How they communicate: Do they keep you in the loop effectively? Are they clear when they need to tell you something? Do they actually listen when you give direction? If you’ve got multiple household staff, do they coordinate well with each other?
Professional behavior: How do they handle themselves overall? Do they maintain appropriate boundaries? Are they discreet about family stuff? When vendors or service people interact with them, do they represent your household well?
Growth over the year: What has your estate manager actually learned or improved at during the past year? What new skills have they picked up? How have they handled taking on more responsibility or adapting to changing needs?
Start with What’s Going Well
Kick off reviews by talking about what someone’s doing well. This isn’t just being nice – it’s genuinely important for staff to hear specific things you appreciate about their work.
And don’t be vague about it. Don’t say “you’re great at your job” and leave it at that. Say actual things. “Your vendor management this year has been excellent. You renegotiated better rates with the landscaping service, and you found that new cleaning company that’s been terrific. You’ve literally saved us money while making service quality better.”
Or “Your communication has really improved this year. Those weekly household status updates you started sending? They’re so helpful. I know what’s happening without feeling overwhelmed by details.”
Specific positive feedback reinforces what you want people to keep doing. It also gives them confidence that they’re actually adding value and not just going through motions. Don’t rush through this part just to get to criticism faster.
And if someone’s genuinely excellent at their work, tell them that directly. “You’re honestly one of the best house managers we could imagine having. We really value what you do for our family.” That kind of clear appreciation means something. Don’t assume great staff automatically know you think they’re great.
Talking About Growth Areas
Even really good staff have things they could improve at or develop further. Part of doing reviews honestly is addressing these areas, but do it constructively not like you’re listing failures.
Frame it as growth opportunities. “Something I’d like to see you work on this coming year is…” works way better than “Here’s what you’re doing wrong…”
Be specific about what you’re concerned about and what you’d actually like to see change. Like “Sometimes urgent stuff doesn’t reach me as quickly as I need. Remember that water heater issue last month? I didn’t find out until it was already a full crisis. Going forward, I’d like you to call me right away when something urgent comes up, not just mention it later when you see me.”
That’s concrete. Someone can actually do something with that feedback. Saying “you need to communicate better” doesn’t give them clear guidance about what to do differently.
If there are performance issues that could actually affect whether someone keeps their job, you need to address that directly. Don’t sugarcoat serious problems or pretend they’re minor when they’re not. People deserve honest information about whether their jobs are at risk so they can either improve or start looking for other positions.
For most household staff though, development areas are just normal opportunities to grow, not serious problems. Frame them that way. “You’re really strong at daily household management. Where I’d like to see you develop more is handling bigger projects, like the renovation planning we’ll be doing next year.”
Setting Goals for Next Year
Use reviews to actually set goals for what you want to see in the next 12 months. What do you want from your estate manager going forward? What are they working toward professionally?
Some goals might just be about keeping up the good stuff they’re already doing. “Continue the great vendor management” is a legitimate goal even though it’s not about new skills. Maintaining excellence counts.
Other goals focus on those development areas you just discussed. “Work on getting urgent issues to me faster” or “Take on more long-term household planning” or “Get better with the smart home tech we’ve got.”
Some goals relate to how your household’s changing. “As we add the vacation property, I’ll need you to figure out systems for managing both homes” or “With the kids getting older, we’ll need to adjust how you coordinate with the nanny.”
Ask what their own goals are too. What do they want to learn? What skills do they want to develop? Where do they see themselves going career-wise? Their goals matter for their development, and they tell you whether your household can actually provide the growth they’re looking for.
Write the goals down. Seriously, put them in writing as part of the review. That gives you both a shared record of what you’re working toward and a framework for next year’s review conversation.
The Money Talk
Reviews should at least generally address compensation, even if you’re not sharing exact bonus numbers or raise decisions right then in the meeting.
Let people know you’ll be making compensation decisions based partly on the review, and that you’ll communicate those decisions by a specific date. Maybe that’s right away, maybe it’s a week or two later after you’ve had time to think through everything. Either way, give them a timeline.
Be straight about what’s possible. If your family’s financial situation means you can’t give big raises this year, say that. If performance concerns mean bonuses will be smaller than last year, don’t surprise someone with that after the fact.
For staff who’ve had really strong years, let them know you recognize that and that compensation will reflect their contributions. Don’t make people guess about whether their good work will actually be acknowledged financially.
Some families do money conversations totally separate from performance reviews. That can work fine as long as it’s clear that the review informs the money decisions, and that the compensation talk is definitely coming soon.
Write It Down
Put key stuff from reviews in writing. You don’t need fancy corporate documents, but you should have something that records what you actually talked about.
Document the strengths you identified, the development areas you covered, the goals you set together, and any specific action items or commitments either of you made.
Give your staff a copy and keep one for yourself. That written record helps a ton for next year’s review, and it makes sure you’re both remembering the same conversation.
If serious performance issues came up that could affect whether someone keeps their job, definitely document those carefully. You’re not building a legal case, but you do want clarity about what was discussed and what improvements you expect.
Actually Following Through
Reviews aren’t one-and-done things. The real value comes from following through on what you discussed.
If you talked about development areas, give actual support for improvement. If you want your house manager to get better at project management, maybe they need some training or resources. If you want them to improve with technology, maybe they need time to actually learn your systems.
Check in periodically through the year about those goals you set. Don’t wait until next December to bring them up again. Quarterly or twice-yearly check-ins keep everyone accountable and let you adjust course if needed.
And if you promised something during the review – training opportunities, salary adjustments, changed responsibilities – follow through on it. Nothing kills the review process faster than families making commitments and then never delivering.
What You’re Avoiding
Good year-end reviews prevent a bunch of problems that happen all the time in household employment when people don’t communicate well.
They stop situations where staff think they’re doing great while families think they’re underperforming, because nobody ever had an honest conversation about expectations versus reality.
They stop staff from feeling undervalued or unappreciated because they’re getting real feedback instead of just vague pleasantries.
They stop families from getting frustrated about issues that could’ve been addressed way earlier if anyone had just created space for those conversations.
They stop surprise departures where staff leave because they felt professionally undervalued or didn’t see growth opportunities, when actually families did value them but just never said so clearly.
They stop compensation conflicts where staff expected raises or bonuses that families never planned to give, because expectations were never actually discussed.
Why This Matters in San Francisco
San Francisco’s household staffing market is intense and competitive. Great house managers and estate managers have options here. They get recruited by other families. They hear about opportunities with better pay or development.
Families who treat household employment casually and who don’t invest in real professional relationships with staff end up losing their best people to families who do this stuff better. Regular performance reviews with actual feedback signal that you view household employment as serious professional work and that you care about staff development and growth.
That matters hugely for retention in markets where excellent household professionals are in high demand. You’re not doing reviews as a favor to staff – you’re protecting your own interest in keeping people you’ve trained who know your household well.
When Reviews Show Serious Problems
Sometimes reviews surface issues that suggest a placement isn’t working well enough to continue. Maybe performance hasn’t improved despite previous conversations. Maybe you realize the person just isn’t the right fit for what your household actually needs. Maybe the relationship has deteriorated beyond fixing.
If that’s where things are at, address it directly rather than having a fake positive review and then firing someone soon after. Use the review as an opportunity for an honest conversation about whether continued employment makes sense for both of you.
Sometimes that leads to someone leaving sooner than originally planned. Sometimes it leads to setting very clear expectations about improvements needed to keep the job. Sometimes it leads to staff deciding themselves that the position isn’t right for them.
All those outcomes beat pretending everything’s fine during reviews and then being surprised when placements fail shortly afterward. Honest reviews create space for honest conversations about whether employment relationships should actually continue.
Making It Feel Less Weird
Reviews feel awkward for lots of families, especially with household staff you’re close to. There’s something uncomfortable about formally evaluating someone who works so personally with your family.
Just acknowledge that it might feel a bit weird. “I know this feels more formal than how we usually work together, but I think it’s valuable for both of us to have this structured conversation about how things are going.”
Keep it conversational even while you’re covering serious stuff. You’re not conducting some corporate performance evaluation – you’re having a professional conversation with household staff about their work and growth.
Ask for their feedback too. How do they think the year went? What could you as employers do differently to support them better? Reviews don’t have to be just you evaluating them.
The more you do these, the less awkward they feel. First review might be a bit uncomfortable. Third review just feels like normal professional practice.
And honestly, most household staff appreciate formal reviews even if they’re not used to them. They want the clarity, the feedback, the sense that their professional development actually matters. Don’t skip reviews because you’re worried they’ll be weird. Do them because they’re valuable for everyone.
Bottom Line
Here’s the simplified version: sit down with your household staff for real performance conversations at the end of the year. Talk about what’s going well with specific examples. Address areas where they could grow or improve. Set actual goals for the next year together. Be clear about how compensation decisions connect to performance. Write it down. Follow through on what you discussed.
That covers most situations for San Francisco families with household staff. The details vary person to person, but the basic framework stays consistent.
The goal isn’t to stress about whether you’re doing reviews exactly perfectly. It’s to show genuine investment in staff development through conversations that go beyond just “you’re doing fine, thanks.” Most families get this right once they know it actually matters and how to approach it.
And most household staff really appreciate proper reviews regardless of whether the feedback is all glowing or includes some development areas, as long as it’s honest and thoughtful. That’s what professional employment relationships look like, and treating household staff that way makes a huge difference in whether they stick around long-term or move on to families who value them more clearly.
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