The question comes up with almost every hire: should this person live here?
For some roles in some situations, the answer is obvious. For most? It’s complicated.
Live-in arrangements save commute time but complicate boundaries. They offer flexibility but reduce privacy. They work beautifully for some families in Los Angeles and everywhere else, and create tension in others.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve placed live-in staff and live-out staff for twenty years. We’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. And here’s what we’ve learned: whether someone should live in your home depends on your property, their role, your family dynamics, and both parties’ comfort with proximity.
There’s no universally right answer. There’s just what works for your specific situation.
What “Live-In” Actually Means
Live-in arrangements vary more than people realize. It’s not one standard setup.
Some families provide a full private suite with its own entrance, bathroom, kitchenette, and sitting area. Others offer a bedroom and shared bathroom. Some staff have complete separation from the family’s living space. Others are more integrated.
The level of privacy and autonomy varies wildly. A live-in estate manager in a Bel Air estate with a separate guesthouse has a very different experience than a live-in housekeeper in a Pacific Palisades home with a bedroom next to the family’s kids.
Before you decide whether to offer live-in, know what you can actually provide. “Live-in” with inadequate space or privacy doesn’t work for anyone.
The space should include, at minimum: a private bedroom, private bathroom, adequate storage, some kind of sitting area even if it’s small, and ideally a separate entrance. If you can’t provide that level of separation, live-out might be better.
We placed a live-in house manager with a family in Los Feliz who had a converted garage apartment. Private entrance, full bathroom, small kitchenette, bedroom and sitting area. Perfect setup. The house manager had privacy when she needed it and proximity when work required it.
Compare that to a family in Santa Monica who wanted live-in help but could only offer a bedroom in the main house with a shared bathroom. They couldn’t find anyone willing to take the position. Professional household staff need privacy and boundaries, especially if they’re living where they work.
The Space Question: What You Actually Need to Provide
If you’re considering live-in staff, evaluate your space honestly.
Do you have a legitimate separate living space? A guesthouse, a converted garage, an in-law suite, a separate wing with its own entrance? That’s ideal for live-in arrangements.
Do you have a bedroom and private bathroom that’s somewhat separated from main living areas? That can work, depending on the role and the person.
Do you only have a bedroom with a shared bathroom in the middle of family space? That’s probably not enough for professional live-in staff. Nobody wants to share a bathroom with their employer’s kids or walk through the family room in their pajamas.
Think about the staff member’s off-hours. Where will they relax? Watch TV? Have privacy? If the answer is “confined to their bedroom,” that’s not a sustainable living situation.
Also consider storage. People have belongings. A bedroom with a tiny closet isn’t enough if someone is actually living there full-time.
A family in Beverly Hills wanted a live-in estate manager but their “staff quarters” was basically a large bedroom with a private bathroom and nothing else. No closet space, no sitting area, no place to keep anything beyond clothes and toiletries. They couldn’t understand why candidates kept turning down the position.
We explained that professionals expect living space, not just sleeping space. The family renovated the area to add storage and a small seating area. Suddenly they had interested candidates.
Roles Where Live-In Makes Sense Most Often
Certain household roles lend themselves to live-in arrangements more naturally than others.
Estate managers, especially for large properties or multiple properties, often benefit from living on-site. They can respond to emergencies, coordinate with vendors who come at odd hours, and manage property issues as they arise.
Nannies, particularly for families with infants or who travel frequently, sometimes prefer live-in. It offers flexibility for early mornings, late nights, and overnight care.
Housekeepers can work well as live-in, especially on larger estates where the commute would otherwise be prohibitive.
Private chefs sometimes live-in, particularly if the family wants very early breakfast service or late-night availability.
Personal assistants rarely live-in. The boundaries get too blurred. They need separation between work and personal life.
House managers could go either way depending on the property and needs. Some benefit from being on-site, others don’t need to be.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we don’t push families toward live-in or live-out. We ask about needs and logistics. How early do you need help in the morning? How late do you need coverage? How far is the commute from where candidates typically live? How much space do you have?
A family in Malibu with a large estate and a separate guesthouse hired a live-in estate manager because the property required constant oversight and the commute from anywhere affordable was brutal. Living on-site solved both problems.
But a family in Manhattan Beach hired a live-out house manager because they had no suitable space for live-in and the role didn’t require 24/7 availability. The house manager lived 20 minutes away and that worked fine.
Roles Where Live-Out Usually Works Better
Some positions are better suited to live-out arrangements.
Personal assistants, as mentioned, usually need to live separately. The role requires enough boundary confusion without literally living with your employer.
Executive assistants who support the family’s business interests should definitely live out. Otherwise you’re never off the clock.
Drivers typically live-out unless the family needs very early or very late availability regularly.
Part-time staff of any kind should live-out. If someone is only working three days a week, they shouldn’t be living in your home full-time.
Housekeepers who work standard daytime hours don’t need to live-in unless the commute is impossible or the property is enormous.
We worked with a family in Pasadena who wanted their housekeeper to live-in because “it would be easier.” But the housekeeper worked 9 to 5, had her own apartment 15 minutes away, and had no interest in living with her employers. The family’s preference didn’t matter. Live-in only works if both parties want it.
The Privacy Consideration Nobody Wants to Discuss
Live-in staff means someone else lives in your home. All the time. Even when they’re not working.
They see you when you wake up. They hear family arguments. They know who visits and when. They’re present for private moments that you’d normally have alone.
Some families are fine with this. Others realize after the fact that they hate it.
Be honest with yourself about privacy before you commit to live-in. Do you walk around your house in your pajamas? Do you have loud conversations with your spouse? Do you want to be able to do whatever you want in your own home without awareness of staff?
If privacy matters to you, live-out might be better. Or at minimum, make sure live-in space is truly separate with its own entrance so staff can come and go without walking through your personal space.
A family in Brentwood hired a live-in house manager and within two months regretted it. The house manager’s bedroom was upstairs near the family bedrooms. She wasn’t intrusive, but they always felt aware of her presence. They couldn’t relax in their own home.
They ended up transitioning her to live-out and paying a housing stipend. Everyone was happier.
What Live-In Means for Work Hours and Boundaries
The biggest complication with live-in is that work boundaries blur.
If your estate manager lives on property, when is she off the clock? If the landscapers show up Saturday morning, should she deal with it even though it’s her day off? If something breaks Sunday night, can you ask her to handle it?
Legally and ethically, you still need to respect work hours and days off. But in practice, the lines get fuzzy when someone lives where they work.
You need extremely clear agreements about what constitutes work time versus personal time. When is the staff member “on call” and when are they truly off? What kinds of situations warrant interrupting their time off?
Without these boundaries, live-in staff burn out fast. They feel like they’re always working because they’re always at the workplace.
We placed a live-in private chef with a family in Hollywood Hills who established perfect boundaries. The chef worked Monday through Friday, 8am to 6pm. Weekends were completely off unless the family scheduled and paid for weekend work in advance. The chef had his own entrance and the family didn’t contact him outside work hours except for true emergencies. It worked beautifully.
Another family in Pacific Palisades hired a live-in nanny and assumed that because she lived there, she was available whenever they needed her. They’d knock on her door at 10pm asking her to watch the kids while they ran out. She quit after three months, exhausted and resentful.
Live-in doesn’t mean unlimited availability. It means they live on property but still have defined work hours.
Compensation Differences: Live-In vs. Live-Out
Live-in and live-out positions have different compensation structures.
Live-in staff typically receive lower base salary because housing is part of their compensation. Exactly how much lower varies by market and role.
In expensive markets like Los Angeles, the housing offset is significant. A bedroom in a Hancock Park home has real value. That value gets factored into total compensation.
But you can’t just pay someone minimum wage because you’re providing housing. The total package (salary plus housing value) needs to be competitive with what they could earn living independently and paying their own rent.
Live-out staff need higher salaries to afford housing in the market where you live. In Los Angeles, that means significantly higher salary than in other markets.
Some families try to have it both ways: pay live-out salaries and expect live-in availability. Doesn’t work. Pick one.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we help families structure compensation fairly. A live-in estate manager in Los Angeles might make $90,000 base plus housing value of $30,000-40,000, for total compensation around $120,000-130,000. Live-out, that same estate manager would need $120,000-130,000 in base salary to afford housing themselves.
Don’t try to save money by offering live-in at below-market total compensation. Professional staff will see through it.
How Housing Stipends Work as an Alternative
Some families offer housing stipends instead of on-site housing.
This means the staff member lives out but you provide a monthly housing allowance on top of base salary to help cover rent in expensive markets.
This can work well when you want the convenience of someone nearby without them actually living in your home.
The stipend amount varies by market and should be enough to cover reasonable housing within a sensible commute distance. In Los Angeles, that might be $1,500-3,000 monthly depending on the area and what “reasonable” means.
A family in Venice Beach used this approach with their house manager. They paid a $2,500 monthly housing stipend that allowed the house manager to rent a small apartment in Culver City, 15 minutes away. She was close enough to handle issues quickly but had her own space.
The family liked this better than live-in because they maintained full privacy. The house manager liked it because she had true separation between work and home.
Housing stipends can offer middle ground between live-in and standard live-out arrangements.
Geographic Considerations
Where you live affects whether live-in makes sense.
In cities with brutal commutes like Los Angeles, live-in can be attractive to staff because it eliminates hours of daily traffic. An estate manager who would otherwise spend three hours a day commuting from an affordable area might prefer living on-site.
In areas with reasonable commutes and affordable housing options nearby, live-in is less necessary. Staff can live 20 minutes away, maintain their own space, and easily commute.
Rural or very remote properties sometimes require live-in because there’s literally nowhere nearby for staff to live. A Malibu estate at the end of a canyon might need live-in staff because the nearest residential area is 45 minutes away.
Urban properties with tight space might not have room for live-in even if it would otherwise make sense.
Consider your location and what the realistic alternatives are for staff housing.
What Happens on Staff Days Off
When live-in staff have days off, they’re still living in your home. This creates questions.
Do they stay in their quarters? Leave the property? Come and go as they please?
Some staff prefer to leave on days off, staying with friends or family elsewhere. Others are fine being on property but want the family to respect that they’re off duty.
You need to discuss this upfront. Make it clear what the expectations are. Can they have visitors? Use common areas? Come and go freely?
The more separated the living quarters, the easier this is. If staff have their own entrance and self-contained space, their days off can feel truly private even while on property.
If they’re more integrated into family space, days off get awkward. They’re not working but they’re still there and everyone’s navigating around each other.
A live-in nanny we placed in Sherman Oaks had Saturday and Sunday off but stayed on property in her suite those days. The family respected her privacy, didn’t knock on her door, and she came and went freely. It worked because boundaries were clear and the space was truly separate.
The Family Dynamics Factor
How your family functions affects whether live-in works.
Families who are naturally very private and need a lot of personal space tend to struggle with live-in staff. The constant awareness of someone else in the house feels intrusive.
Families who are more communal and comfortable with less privacy might enjoy having staff nearby. They don’t mind the reduced privacy because they value the flexibility and connection.
If you have young children, consider how they’ll navigate having staff living in the home. Will they understand boundaries? Will they respect that the nanny who lives downstairs isn’t always available?
If you have teenagers, consider how they’ll feel about reduced privacy. Teens often really value family privacy and can resent staff presence.
Think about your family’s natural rhythms and personalities before committing to live-in.
When Live-In Starts Out Fine But Becomes a Problem
Sometimes live-in works initially but stops working over time.
The novelty wears off. The lack of privacy starts to grate. Small annoyances become big frustrations. Boundaries that seemed clear get blurry.
If this happens, it’s okay to change the arrangement. Switch from live-in to live-out. It’s not a failure. It’s an adjustment based on what you’ve learned.
We’ve helped several families in Los Angeles transition from live-in to live-out arrangements. Usually it’s mutual. The family wants more privacy, the staff member wants more separation. Everyone agrees it’s not quite working and a housing stipend or salary adjustment makes sense.
Don’t stay stuck in an arrangement that isn’t working just because that’s how you started.
Switching From Live-In to Live-Out
If you hired someone for live-in but want to transition to live-out, handle it carefully and fairly.
Give advance notice. Don’t spring it on them. Explain that the arrangement isn’t working as well as you’d hoped and you’d like to restructure.
Offer compensation adjustment. If they’re going to need to find and pay for housing, their total compensation needs to account for that. You can’t just remove housing without increasing salary.
Be prepared that they might leave. Some people took the job specifically because it was live-in. If that goes away, they might not want to stay.
But often, staff are just as ready for the change as you are. They’ve also realized it’s not working.
A family in Bel Air had a live-in house manager for two years. When they suggested switching to live-out with a housing stipend, the house manager was relieved. She’d been feeling the same boundary issues but didn’t want to upset the family by saying something.
The transition improved the working relationship because both parties had more space and clearer boundaries.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we help families think through live-in versus live-out before they hire. But we also help them adjust if what they thought would work doesn’t.
There’s no perfect formula. Some families swear by live-in arrangements. Others would never do it. The right choice is the one that fits your space, your needs, your family dynamics, and your comfort level with shared living space.
