Those First Few Weeks Feel Vulnerable
Those First Few Weeks Feel VulnerableHere’s something we hear often at Seaside Staffing Company: “We finally found the perfect San Francisco nanny, but now I’m terrified something will go wrong in these first few weeks.” You’ve just invited someone new into your San Francisco home, trusting them with your most precious children. Your toddler is crying when you leave for work. Your baby seems confused by a new face. You’re second-guessing every decision.
After twenty years of guiding families through those crucial first 90 days with a new nanny, we’ve learned that anxiety during this period is completely normal. Even when you’ve made the right hiring decision, the adjustment period feels vulnerable for everyone involved in your children, your new nanny, and especially you.
The work we do at Seaside Staffing Company is never automated, and it’s never one-size-fits-all. We believe in preparing families realistically for what those first three months actually look like, not painting a picture perfect scenario that sets unrealistic expectations. When you’re navigating the first 90 days with a new nanny, you deserve honest guidance about the bumps and breakthroughs you’ll experience.
Week One: Everything Feels Awkward
Let’s start with brutal honesty about the first week with your new nanny: it’s going to feel strange. Even if your children loved your nanny during the interview, even if you felt instant chemistry, even if everything seemed perfect during the trial day, that first full week is awkward for everyone.
Your children are adjusting to a new caregiver. Your nanny is learning your home, your routines, and your children’s personalities. You’re probably hovering more than you should, torn between wanting to micromanage and trying to give space. At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell every San Francisco family to expect this discomfort because pretending it won’t happen doesn’t help anyone.
Here’s what week one actually looks like in most households. Your children might cling to you more than usual in the mornings. They might test boundaries with the new nanny. They might ask repeatedly when you’re coming home. This doesn’t mean you made a wrong hiring decision. It means your children are normal humans processing change.
Your new nanny might ask lots of questions. Where do you keep the extra diapers? What’s your wifi password? Is this the park you mentioned? How do you prefer lunch to be handled? These questions are positive signs. Your nanny is trying to learn and do things your way. Families sometimes mistake this for incompetence when it’s actually conscientiousness.
You might feel exhausted. Onboarding a new nanny while managing your work responsibilities and your children’s emotions requires significant energy. One San Francisco family we worked with told us that after their nanny’s first week, they felt more tired than before hiring help. This is normal. The adjustment period demands more from you temporarily before it gives back exponentially.
Here’s our guidance for week one: over-communicate without micromanaging. Leave detailed notes about routines, preferences, and quirks. Check in regularly without hovering constantly. Give grace for minor mistakes while addressing anything that genuinely concerns you. Remember that your new nanny wants to succeed as much as you want them to.
Weeks Two Through Four: Finding the Rhythm
The second through fourth weeks of your first 90 days with a new nanny typically involve finding rhythm and establishing trust. Things start feeling less awkward, but you’re not quite comfortable yet either. Your children begin warming to their new nanny. Small routines become established. You start relaxing incrementally.
During this phase, pay attention to green lights that indicate things are progressing well. Your children start mentioning fun activities they did with their nanny. They’re not crying quite as much during morning goodbyes. They seem genuinely happy when you come home rather than desperately relieved. Your nanny is asking fewer basic questions and starting to anticipate needs independently.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve learned that weeks two through four reveal whether your nanny truly fits your family. Surface-level competence shows up immediately, but deeper alignment takes a few weeks to demonstrate. Is your nanny respecting your parenting philosophy? Are they communicating well about your children’s day? Do they seem genuinely invested in your children’s happiness?
Here’s a real story from our twenty years placing nannies in San Francisco. A family hired a nanny with impeccable credentials but felt uncertain during week three. Their nanny was technically proficient but seemed emotionally distant. We coached them through a conversation about their concerns. Turned out, the nanny was holding back because she worried about overstepping boundaries with a new family. Once they explicitly encouraged warmer engagement, everything clicked. Six years later, that nanny is still with them and deeply loved by the children.
This phase is also when you might need to address small issues before they become big problems. If your nanny consistently arrives late, address it now rather than letting resentment build. If they’re not following a routine you specifically requested, have that conversation. If they’re handling discipline differently than you’d like, course correct gently.
The key during weeks two through four is balance. You want to give your new nanny space to develop their own relationship with your children while ensuring they’re honoring your family’s values and expectations. You want to address concerns without being hypercritical about every tiny detail. You want to appreciate what’s working while improving what isn’t.
Here’s what we tell San Francisco families at this stage: your nanny should be progressively requiring less oversight, not more. If you’re still answering dozens of questions daily by week four, something isn’t quite right. Professional nannies demonstrate growing confidence and independence during this phase, not increasing neediness.
Month Two: The Honeymoon or The Reality
Month two of your first 90 days with a new nanny tends to go one of two directions, and both are normal. Either everything clicks beautifully and you enter a honeymoon phase where you wonder how you ever managed without this person, or the initial excitement wears off and reality sets in with some challenges that need addressing.
The honeymoon scenario looks like this: your children adore their nanny and talk about them constantly. Your nanny has mastered your routines and is proactively handling responsibilities. You feel genuine relief when you leave for work knowing your children are happy and well-cared-for. Small improvements keep appearing, like your nanny organizing the playroom without being asked or suggesting a new park to explore. You’re starting to trust deeply.
The reality-check scenario looks different: your nanny is competent but you’re noticing things that bother you. Maybe they’re on their phone more than you’d like. Perhaps they’re not quite as engaging with your children as you hoped. Possibly they’re handling situations differently than you would. You’re wondering if this is just adjustment or if you made the wrong choice.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families that both scenarios are workable. If you’re in honeymoon mode, enjoy it while remaining appropriately observant. If you’re in reality-check mode, don’t panic but do address concerns directly.
Here’s crucial guidance for month two: have a formal check-in conversation with your nanny. Schedule dedicated time, not a rushed chat during pickup. Discuss what’s working well, address any concerns, and align on expectations going forward. This conversation demonstrates professionalism while creating space for open dialogue.
One San Francisco family we placed was frustrated during month two because their nanny wasn’t planning educational activities they’d discussed during hiring. When they finally had a direct conversation, they discovered their nanny was waiting to be told exactly what they wanted rather than taking initiative. Once expectations were clarified, she blossomed into the enrichment-focused caregiver they’d hoped for. Three years later, she’s still with them creating amazing learning experiences for their children.
Month two is also when you can start evaluating whether your nanny is truly aligned with your parenting philosophy. Are they naturally gravitating toward the approaches you value? If you prioritize outdoor play, is your nanny taking children outside regularly? If you emphasize gentle discipline, is your nanny patient during challenging moments? If you want limited screen time, is your nanny respecting those boundaries?
This is also the time to notice whether your nanny demonstrates genuine affection for your children. Professional competence matters, but children thrive with caregivers who truly delight in them. Is your nanny’s warmth authentic? Do they celebrate your children’s small victories? Do they seem genuinely fond of the little humans they spend their days with?
Here’s something families don’t always anticipate: month two is when you might start feeling guilty about how much your children love their nanny. This is actually a positive sign, though it can feel uncomfortable. At Seaside Staffing Company, we remind families that children have enormous capacity for love. Your children loving their nanny doesn’t diminish their love for you. It means you’ve given them the gift of another caring adult in their lives.
Month Three: Establishing Your Long-Term Foundation
Month three of your first 90 days with a new nanny is where the foundation for your long-term relationship gets established. By now, the initial adjustment anxiety has largely faded. Your children have fully integrated their nanny into their world. Your nanny knows your family’s rhythms and routines. You’ve developed communication patterns and trust.
This is the time to conduct a comprehensive ninety-day review. At Seaside Staffing Company, we provide our families with evaluation frameworks for this conversation, but the essentials include discussing what’s working well, addressing any remaining concerns, reaffirming expectations, and looking ahead to the next phase of your relationship.
Your ninety-day review should feel collaborative rather than evaluative. Yes, you’re assessing your nanny’s performance, but you’re also asking for their feedback. What do they need from you to be more successful? Are there ways you could improve communication? Do they have suggestions for enhancing your children’s care? The best nanny relationships involve mutual respect and two-way communication.
Here’s what success looks like by month three: your children are happy and thriving. They’ve bonded with their nanny while remaining securely attached to you. They’re learning and growing under your nanny’s care. Your nanny has demonstrated reliability, professionalism, and genuine care for your children. You feel confident leaving your children in their care without anxiety. Communication flows smoothly. Small issues get addressed directly without awkwardness.
One San Francisco family recently told us about their ninety-day review with their new nanny. They told her how much they appreciated her creativity with activities, her excellent communication, and the obvious love she showed their children. They also mentioned they’d like her to be more proactive about scheduling playdates since their children needed more social interaction. Their nanny was receptive, grateful for the feedback, and immediately began coordinating more social opportunities. That conversation strengthened their relationship rather than creating tension.
By month three, you should also be seeing your nanny’s professional initiative. They’re not waiting to be told what to do for every situation. They’re anticipating needs, solving problems independently, and bringing ideas for enriching your children’s experiences. They’re taking ownership of their role rather than just following instructions.
Here’s what we observe at Seaside Staffing Company after two decades: families who invest in those first 90 days with a new nanny by communicating clearly, addressing concerns directly, and building genuine partnership almost always develop long-term, successful relationships. Families who avoid difficult conversations or fail to properly onboard their nanny often struggle indefinitely or restart their search within a year.
Common Challenges and How to Navigate Them
Let’s address the most common challenges families face during the first 90 days with a new nanny, because pretending everything always goes smoothly doesn’t help anyone. These challenges are normal, and knowing how to handle them makes all the difference.
Challenge one: your children are taking longer to adjust than you expected. Some children warm to new caregivers immediately. Others need weeks or months to fully trust and bond. If your child is still struggling by month two, don’t assume you made the wrong hire. Work with your nanny to establish consistency, maintain routines, and give your child time to adapt.
Challenge two: your nanny isn’t quite meeting expectations in some area. Maybe they’re not as engaging as you’d hoped, or they’re not following your routines exactly as you outlined. The solution is direct, kind communication. Most professional nannies want feedback and will adjust when expectations are clarified.
Challenge three: you’re having trouble letting go of control. This is especially common for stay-at-home parents who now have help or parents who’ve always handled childcare personally. Your nanny can’t succeed if you’re constantly hovering and correcting. At Seaside Staffing Company, we coach families to establish clear expectations and then trust their nanny to meet them in their own way.
Challenge four: communication isn’t flowing smoothly. Maybe your nanny isn’t sharing enough about the day, or perhaps they’re overwhelming you with minutiae. Have an explicit conversation about communication preferences. Do you want detailed daily summaries or just highlights? Would you prefer texts throughout the day or a conversation at pickup?
Challenge five: your nanny is wonderful but you’re feeling guilty or conflicted. This is especially common for mothers experiencing complicated emotions about having childcare help. These feelings are valid and common. Having a nanny doesn’t make you less present or less important to your children. It makes you supported.
Here’s a story that illustrates handling challenges well. A San Francisco family was frustrated during week six because their nanny was using more screen time than they’d discussed. Instead of letting resentment build, they had a direct conversation. Turned out, their nanny thought educational apps were acceptable and didn’t realize the family wanted almost no screens. Once clarified, the nanny completely adjusted. The family later told us that conversation taught them the power of direct communication.
Red Flags That Warrant Concern
While most challenges during the first 90 days with a new nanny are normal adjustment issues, some red flags warrant serious concern or immediate action. At Seaside Staffing Company, we want families to know the difference between typical growing pains and genuine problems.
Red flag one: consistent tardiness without communication or valid reasons. Professional nannies respect your schedule. Occasional delays happen to everyone, but chronic lateness shows lack of professionalism.
Red flag two: your nanny is regularly on their phone instead of engaged with your children. A few texts or quick calls are normal. Constant phone use while supposedly caring for your children is unacceptable.
Red flag three: your children seem afraid, withdrawn, or regressed since your nanny started. While some initial adjustment is normal, any signs of fear or significant behavioral changes warrant immediate investigation.
Red flag four: your nanny lies, even about small things, or cannot be trusted with basic instructions. Trust is fundamental. If you catch your nanny in lies or repeatedly discover they haven’t followed important guidelines, the foundation is broken.
Red flag five: your gut consistently tells you something is wrong. After twenty years at Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve learned to trust parental instincts. If you have persistent concerns that go beyond normal anxiety, investigate them seriously.
If you encounter genuine red flags during your first 90 days with a new nanny, contact us immediately. We support our placements and will help you navigate serious concerns, up to and including restarting your search if necessary.
The Seaside Support System
Here’s something that differentiates Seaside Staffing Company: we don’t disappear after placement. When you’re navigating the first 90 days with a new nanny, you have our full support. We check in regularly, answer questions, provide coaching, and help troubleshoot challenges.
We’ve developed this support system because we know those first three months determine long-term success. The families who thrive long-term with their nannies are the ones who properly invest in those crucial early months. We’re here to guide that investment.
Our support includes scheduled check-ins at two weeks, one month, and three months. We also remain available between those touchpoints for any concerns or questions. We provide resources on effective communication, boundary setting, and building strong working relationships. We help mediate if conflicts arise. We’re genuinely invested in your success.
While you’ll never see us trying to become the biggest household staffing company, you’ll always see us working hard to remain the best. That commitment means supporting you beyond just making a placement. It means being your partner throughout the first 90 days with a new nanny and beyond.
Looking Beyond the First Three Months
By the time you complete the first 90 days with a new nanny, you should feel confident about the foundation you’ve built. Your children should be bonded with their nanny. Trust should be established. Communication should flow smoothly. You should feel genuine relief and gratitude for the support your nanny provides.
What comes after those first three months? Hopefully years of a beautiful relationship where your nanny becomes part of your family’s story. We’ve placed nannies who stayed with San Francisco families through entire childhoods, from infancy through high school graduation. Those long-term placements all started with families who properly invested in those crucial first 90 days.
Here’s what we tell families at Seaside Staffing Company: the effort you invest in those first three months pays dividends for years. The communication patterns you establish, the trust you build, the expectations you clarify, all of that creates the foundation for long-term success.
When you’re ready to find a nanny for your San Francisco family, or when you’re navigating those crucial first 90 days with a new nanny, we’re here to support you. Let us help you build the foundation for a relationship that will enrich your family for years to come.
