Your nanny called in sick again this morning. That’s the sixth time in three months. Maybe she’s genuinely sick every time, maybe she’s not, but either way you need reliable childcare and this isn’t it. You had to cancel a meeting, your spouse is frustrated, and you’re starting to wonder if this is just how it’s going to be with her. You don’t want to be the heartless employer who doesn’t let people take sick days when they’re actually ill, but you also can’t run your life around someone who’s out sick this frequently. You need to figure out what’s reasonable sick time usage and what’s too much.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we hear from families in Washington DC and everywhere else about household staff who call in sick too often, and it’s a genuinely difficult situation to navigate. You want to be compassionate about illness, but you also need staff who show up reliably. Here’s how to think about sick time usage, what’s reasonable versus excessive, and how to address it when it becomes a pattern.
What’s Actually Reasonable for Sick Time
Most household staff employment agreements include some amount of paid sick time. typically five to ten days per year, sometimes more for long-term employees. Using that sick time when actually sick is completely reasonable and expected. People get sick. Flu happens. Stomach bugs happen. Occasional illness is normal and you should expect your household staff to use some sick time every year. The problem isn’t someone using the sick time they’re entitled to when they’re legitimately ill. The problem is when sick time usage becomes excessive to the point where you can’t count on them to show up.
So what’s excessive? If someone is using significantly more sick time than you provided. calling in sick when they’ve already used their allotted days. that’s a concern. If they’re calling in sick constantly but never actually seem sick when they’re at work, that raises questions. If there’s a pattern to their absences. always Mondays, always after weekends, always when you have something important scheduled. that suggests the “sick” days might not be about illness. If their sick time usage is interfering with your ability to function because you can’t count on them showing up, it’s too much regardless of whether each individual absence is legitimate.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we generally see household staff who are truly sick use three to six sick days per year on average. More than that in a short period deserves a conversation. A family in Washington DC’s Georgetown had a house manager who called in sick twelve times in six months. Even if every single absence was legitimate illness, that’s too much unreliability for the role. The family needed someone they could count on to manage the household, and they couldn’t plan anything around someone who was out sick twice a month.
When Sick Days Might Not Be About Sickness
Sometimes frequent “sick” days are actually about other things. The person has a second job and is using sick days to work there. They’re job hunting and using sick days for interviews. They’re dealing with personal issues. relationship problems, family drama, mental health struggles. and calling in sick rather than explaining what’s really going on. They’re burnt out and taking mental health days but calling them sick days. They just don’t feel like working and “sick” is an easy excuse. None of this makes the absences okay, but understanding what’s really happening helps you figure out how to address it.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve seen all of these scenarios. Sometimes the solution is having an honest conversation about what’s actually going on and whether you can accommodate it. Sometimes the person needs to leave and find a situation that works better for their life. A nanny in DC’s Dupont Circle was calling in sick frequently. When the family finally addressed it directly, she admitted she was overwhelmed and burnt out. They worked together on adjusting her schedule and responsibilities. The “sick” days stopped because she wasn’t actually physically sick, she was struggling mentally with the workload. Once that got addressed, her reliability improved.
The Reliability Problem for Households
Household staff positions require reliability in a way that office jobs sometimes don’t. If your house manager calls in sick, nobody else can just cover her responsibilities. You’re scrambling. If your nanny calls in sick, you need immediate backup childcare or someone can’t go to work. There’s no bench of substitute household staff waiting to jump in. This is why excessive sick time is more disruptive in household employment than in other contexts. You can’t just redistribute the work to other team members. either the work doesn’t get done, or you’re doing it yourself, or your whole day gets derailed finding coverage.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families that reliability is actually one of the most important qualities in household staff because there’s no built-in backup. A family in Alexandria had a nanny who was excellent with their kids but called in sick at least twice a month. Every time she called out, one parent had to scramble to work from home or use emergency backup care. After six months of this disruption, they replaced her with someone less experienced but significantly more reliable. The trade-off was worth it because they could actually count on the new nanny to show up.
Having the Conversation About Excessive Absences
If sick time usage has become a problem, you need to address it directly. Don’t hint around or complain passively. have an actual conversation. “I want to talk about your sick time usage. You’ve called in sick six times in the last three months. That’s creating reliability issues for our household. Help me understand what’s going on.” Listen to their explanation. If they have a legitimate chronic health issue, that’s different from someone who’s calling in sick for reasons that aren’t actually illness. If they’re genuinely dealing with health problems, you can discuss whether accommodations are possible, whether FMLA applies, or whether this role is sustainable for them given their health.
If you suspect the absences aren’t actually about illness, you can address that too, though carefully. “I’ve noticed your sick days often fall on Mondays. That pattern makes me wonder if something else is going on. If you’re struggling with something, I’d rather talk about it directly than have unreliable attendance continue.” Sometimes just having the conversation makes the problem stop because the person realizes you’re paying attention to patterns. At Seaside Staffing Company, we coach families on how to address excessive sick time without accusing anyone of lying, which can backfire legally and relationally. A family in DC’s Capitol Hill had the conversation with their housekeeper who’d been out sick frequently. She admitted she’d been caring for her elderly mother and felt weird asking for personal time. They worked out a schedule that gave her regular days off to handle family care, and the random “sick” days stopped.
What If They Have a Chronic Condition
If your staff member has a chronic health condition that causes frequent absences, this is more complicated. Depending on the condition and your household size, various laws might apply including the Americans with Disabilities Act or the Family and Medical Leave Act. You might be required to provide reasonable accommodations. This doesn’t mean you have to accept unlimited absences, but it does mean you need to have a conversation about what’s medically necessary and what accommodation is reasonable. They might need to provide medical documentation. You might need to determine whether they can still perform the essential functions of their role with accommodations.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’re not lawyers so we always tell families to consult with an employment attorney when dealing with potential medical issues affecting attendance. The legal requirements are specific and getting it wrong can create liability. A family in Bethesda had a house manager with a chronic condition that sometimes required medical appointments and occasional unplanned sick days. With medical documentation and some schedule flexibility, they worked out an arrangement that accommodated her condition while still getting the work done. But that required clear communication and willingness from both sides to make it work.
The Backup Plan Problem
One reason excessive sick time is so disruptive is that most families don’t have a backup plan for when household staff call out. You should. Not for occasional sick days, but for roles where absence creates major disruption. For nannies especially, having a backup care arrangement. a backup babysitter, a cooperative agreement with another family, backup care service membership. means you’re not completely derailed when your nanny calls in sick. For housekeepers or house managers, knowing what tasks absolutely must get done versus what can wait a few days helps you cope with absences. Having a backup plan doesn’t mean you tolerate excessive absences, it just means you’re not completely helpless when they happen.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we recommend families have contingency plans for key household positions. A family in Arlington set up a backup care arrangement with another family in their neighborhood. if either family’s nanny called out, the other nanny would cover both sets of kids for the day. This eliminated the panic when their nanny occasionally called in sick, though it didn’t solve the underlying issue if absences became excessive.
When You’ve Used All Your Sick Time
What happens when staff have used all their allotted sick days but call in sick again? You have a few options. You can allow unpaid sick days. they don’t get paid but they can still call out when sick. You can treat additional absences as grounds for termination depending on your employment agreement. You can have a conversation about whether they can sustainably do this job given their health or situation. Don’t surprise them. make sure your sick time policy is clear upfront about what happens when allotted days are exhausted. Some families are flexible and allow extra unpaid sick time. Others have a strict policy that excessive absences beyond allotted sick time are grounds for termination.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to be clear about policies from the beginning. A family in DC set a policy upfront. “You have eight paid sick days per year. If you need additional sick time beyond that, we can discuss unpaid days, but we do need reliable attendance overall.” This set expectations clearly so nobody was surprised later.
Patterns That Suggest Abuse
Certain patterns strongly suggest someone is abusing sick time rather than being legitimately ill. Calling in sick right before or after weekends consistently. Calling in sick right before holidays or vacations, effectively extending their time off. Always calling in sick on days when you have important events or travel. Never actually seeming sick when they’re at work. if someone’s supposedly sick all the time but you’ve never seen them show signs of illness, that’s suspicious. Using exactly their allotted sick time every year down to the day, which suggests they see it as extra paid time off rather than for actual illness.
If you see these patterns, address them. “I’ve noticed you’ve called in sick the last three Mondays in a row. That pattern is concerning. If there’s something about Mondays that’s difficult, let’s talk about it, but I need reliable attendance.” At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve seen families ignore obvious patterns for months rather than having the uncomfortable conversation. A family in McLean had a housekeeper who called in “sick” the day before and after every holiday for two years, essentially giving herself week-long breaks. They never addressed it until they’d had enough and fired her suddenly. Earlier conversations might have solved the problem or led to an earlier, less abrupt ending.
When Reliability Issues Mean You Need to Replace Them
Sometimes despite conversations and accommodations, excessive sick time continues and you need to replace the person. This isn’t heartless; it’s recognizing that the role requires reliability they can’t or won’t provide. You have the right to expect household staff to show up for work consistently. If someone can’t do that after you’ve addressed it directly, the role isn’t right for them. Be clear about it. “We need someone who can be here reliably. Despite our conversations, absences are continuing at a level that doesn’t work for our household. We’re going to need to make a change.”
At Seaside Staffing Company, we help families through these transitions when reliability becomes an ongoing problem. A family in Washington DC finally replaced their nanny after nine months of frequent absences that never improved despite multiple conversations. They felt guilty about it, but their work and family life couldn’t function with the constant disruption. The new nanny they hired had excellent attendance, and the family realized how much the constant unreliability had been affecting their stress levels.
Dealing with household staff who take too much sick time requires balancing compassion for genuine illness with the practical need for reliable help. Be clear about your sick time policy upfront. Address patterns of excessive absences directly. Listen to explanations and consider whether accommodations are possible. Have backup plans for key roles. And recognize when someone’s health or situation means they can’t reliably do the job, and it’s time to make a change. You’re not wrong for needing household staff who actually show up. that’s literally the foundation of the role.
