Your house manager has been with you four months and it’s not working. She’s not terrible, but she’s not good either. Things keep falling through cracks. You’re more stressed than before you hired her.
Do you fire her? Give her more time? Try to fix it? And if you fire her, how do you actually do that without creating a nightmare?
At Seaside Staffing Company, we help families in Chicago and across the country navigate this constantly. Knowing when to end an employment relationship and how to do it right is one of the hardest parts of household employment.
Here’s how to make these decisions and execute them professionally.
How to Know If It’s a Training Issue or a Wrong-Fit Issue
Before you fire anyone, figure out if the problem is fixable.
Training issues can be resolved. Wrong-fit issues usually can’t.
Training issue: Your housekeeper is great but doesn’t know your specific preferences yet. She’s using the wrong products because you haven’t told her what you like. She’s organizing things differently than you prefer. These are things you can fix with communication.
Wrong-fit issue: Your house manager fundamentally doesn’t have the skills for the job. She’s disorganized, forgets things constantly, can’t manage her time. That’s not about training, that’s about capability.
Training issue: Your private chef is excellent but hasn’t learned your family’s food preferences yet. She’s cooking things you don’t like because she doesn’t know. Fixable with feedback.
Wrong-fit issue: Your chef can’t cook. The food is consistently bad. That’s not a training issue.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to give new employees time to learn your household. The first 30-90 days involve a learning curve. But if someone is fundamentally lacking skills or capability, more time won’t fix it.
A family in Chicago hired a house manager who seemed great in the interview. Three months in, it was clear she couldn’t actually handle the workload. She was constantly overwhelmed, couldn’t prioritize, and missed important things. They tried giving feedback and more support. Nothing improved because she simply wasn’t capable of the level of work required.
That’s a wrong-fit issue. No amount of training would have fixed it.
Red Flags at 30, 60, 90 Days That Mean It’s Not Working
Certain warning signs at specific timeframes tell you this probably isn’t going to work.
At 30 days: Still completely confused about basic responsibilities. Can’t retain information you’ve told them multiple times. Consistently late or unreliable. Defensive when you give feedback. Not asking questions they should be asking.
At 60 days: Not showing any improvement. Same mistakes happening repeatedly. Still needs constant supervision and direction. Can’t work independently at all. Personality conflicts with family members that aren’t improving.
At 90 days: You’re still more stressed than before you hired them. They’re creating more work than they’re solving. You’re constantly having to fix their mistakes. The relationship feels strained or uncomfortable.
If you’re seeing these patterns, it’s probably not going to get better.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we use 90 days as a benchmark. If someone isn’t functioning reasonably well by day 90, they’re probably not the right fit. There should be visible progress and increasing independence by that point.
A family in Chicago’s Lincoln Park kept hoping their estate manager would improve. At 30 days she was struggling but they figured she needed more time. At 60 days nothing had changed but they thought maybe another month would help. At 90 days they finally admitted it wasn’t working. They’d wasted three months and a lot of stress trying to make a bad fit work.
When to Coach vs. When to Cut Losses
If the issue is specific and fixable, coach before you fire.
Coachable: “You’re not communicating proactively when problems come up. I need you to let me know about issues right away, not wait until I discover them.”
Not coachable: “You fundamentally can’t handle the workload of this position.”
Coachable: “The way you’re organizing the kitchen isn’t working for our family. Here’s how we’d like it done instead.”
Not coachable: “You’re consistently rude to us and our children.”
Give one clear round of feedback on coachable issues. Explain what needs to change, give specific examples, set a timeline for improvement. If it doesn’t improve after clear feedback, then you move to termination.
But don’t spend months coaching someone through fundamental capability or attitude problems. That’s not fair to you or to them.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we coach families on what’s worth trying to fix versus what isn’t. Skills can improve with feedback. Attitude rarely does. Capability either exists or doesn’t.
A family in Evanston tried to coach their housekeeper through reliability issues for six months. Late constantly, calling in sick frequently, making excuses. They kept having conversations, giving chances. It never improved. They should have ended it after the second month when a clear pattern established itself.
The Conversation with Yourself: Is This Fixable?
Before you fire someone, honestly assess whether you’ve given them a fair shot.
Have you communicated your expectations clearly? Have you given specific feedback when things weren’t right? Have you allowed reasonable time for learning and adjustment?
If the answer to any of those is no, you might be part of the problem.
But if you’ve been clear, given feedback, allowed time, and it’s still not working, it’s probably not fixable.
Some families torture themselves over this decision. They agonize for months. Meanwhile everyone’s miserable and the household isn’t functioning well.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families: if you’ve given someone a fair opportunity and it’s still not working, prolonging it doesn’t help anyone. The staff member isn’t thriving either. Ending it lets them find a better fit.
Legal Considerations Before Firing Anyone
Before you fire anyone, understand the legal landscape.
Most household employment is at-will, meaning you can terminate for any reason that isn’t illegal. But there are protections against discrimination, retaliation, and terminating someone for exercising their legal rights.
Don’t fire someone because of their race, religion, age, disability, pregnancy, or other protected characteristics. Don’t fire someone right after they requested workers’ comp or reported a safety issue.
Consult with an employment attorney if you’re unsure or if the situation is complicated. This is especially important if you have a written contract, if the employee has worked for you for a long time, or if they’re claiming discrimination or violations.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we always recommend families consult legal counsel for terminations that might be complicated. It’s worth a few hundred dollars in attorney fees to avoid a lawsuit.
A family in Chicago fired their house manager three weeks after she’d requested FMLA leave. Bad timing. It looked like retaliation even though the family insisted it was about performance. They ended up settling a legal claim. An employment attorney could have helped them navigate the timing better.
How to Have the Termination Conversation
The actual firing conversation should be direct, brief, and clear.
Schedule a private meeting. Don’t fire someone over text or email unless it’s truly unavoidable.
Be direct. “We’ve decided to end your employment. Today is your last day” or “We’re giving you two weeks notice that your employment will end on [date].”
Give a brief, professional reason. “This isn’t the right fit” or “We don’t think the role is working out” is sufficient. You don’t need to list every complaint.
Don’t get into a debate. This isn’t a discussion, it’s a decision you’ve made. If they ask questions or want to discuss, you can listen briefly but don’t let it turn into an argument.
Explain logistics. When is their last day? What happens with their final paycheck? Do they need to return keys or property? How will you handle references?
At Seaside Staffing Company, we coach families through these conversations. The biggest mistakes are being too vague (“we’re making some changes”) or too detailed (listing every mistake they’ve made for the last three months).
A family in Chicago prepared for the conversation with their private chef who wasn’t working out. They said, “This isn’t working as well as we’d hoped. We’ve decided to end your employment. Your last day will be two weeks from today. We’ll pay you through that period but we don’t need you to work those two weeks. We’ll provide a neutral reference.” Done in five minutes.
What to Say (And What Not to Say)
Do say:
- “We’ve decided to end your employment.”
- “This isn’t the right fit for our household.”
- “We don’t think the role is working out as we’d hoped.”
- “Your last day will be [date].”
- “We’ll provide a reference that confirms your dates of employment.”
Don’t say:
- “You’re fired” (unnecessarily harsh)
- Detailed complaints about everything they’ve done wrong
- “This is harder for me than it is for you”
- “We really like you but…” (don’t sugarcoat)
- Personal criticism (“you’re lazy” or “you’re incompetent”)
- “We’ll see how the next two weeks go” (either fire them or don’t)
Keep it professional and factual. Don’t make it personal.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we remind families that this is a business decision. Treat it that way.
Severance: When You Should Offer It and How Much
Severance for household employment isn’t legally required in most cases, but it’s often appropriate.
When to offer severance:
- The person has worked for you for more than a year
- They didn’t do anything egregious (you’re firing for fit, not cause)
- You can afford it
- You want to part on reasonable terms
How much:
- One to two weeks of pay for every year worked is standard
- Minimum of two weeks even for shorter employment
- More if the person has been excellent and you feel guilty about the fit issue
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see families offer severance more often than not. It helps with the transition and reduces bad feelings.
A family in Chicago let their house manager go after eighteen months. She hadn’t done anything wrong, it just wasn’t a good fit. They gave her four weeks severance plus covered her health insurance for two months. She left on good terms and spoke well of the family to other household staff in the area.
Immediate Termination vs. Giving Notice
Do you fire them effective immediately or give them two weeks notice?
Immediate termination makes sense when:
- There’s been misconduct or a serious violation
- You can’t trust them to work professionally during a notice period
- Having them in your home for two more weeks would be intolerable
- You’re concerned about safety or security
Two weeks notice makes sense when:
- It’s a fit issue, not a misconduct issue
- You think they’ll work professionally through the notice period
- You need time to find coverage or transition work
- You want to part on reasonable terms
You can also give them notice but pay them to not work. “Your last day is today, but we’ll pay you for two weeks.” This is common in household employment.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see all three approaches depending on the situation.
A family in Oak Park fired their housekeeper for theft. Immediate termination, no notice, no severance.
Another family in Naperville ended their relationship with a house manager who just wasn’t the right fit. They gave two weeks notice, she worked through it professionally, and they parted on fine terms.
What Happens with Their Keys, Access, Property
When you fire someone, you need to think about physical security.
Collect all keys, access cards, alarm codes. If they have any family property (laptop, phone, credit card, etc.), get it back.
Change alarm codes and gate codes after they leave.
If they live-in, you need to give them reasonable time to move out. Check local laws, but generally 30 days notice for live-in staff is appropriate.
Make sure they return any passwords or access to accounts they’ve been managing.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we remind families to create a checklist of what needs to be collected and what codes need changing.
A family in Chicago forgot to change their alarm code after firing their estate manager. Three months later the alarm went off and she was still listed as the emergency contact. Awkward.
References After Firing Someone
If you fire someone for fit rather than cause, you can still provide a neutral reference.
Neutral reference: Confirms dates of employment, job title, and says you’re not able to provide additional information.
You’re not obligated to provide a good reference for someone you fired. But you also don’t want to actively sabotage their job search if they didn’t do anything egregious.
If you fire someone for cause (theft, abuse, gross negligence), you’re not obligated to provide any reference at all.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we recommend families decide on their reference policy during the termination conversation so everyone knows where they stand.
A family in Chicago fired their house manager for fit issues. They told her, “We’ll confirm your dates of employment and job title if prospective employers call, but we won’t be providing a detailed reference.” She appreciated knowing that upfront.
How to Explain the Departure to Other Staff
If you have multiple household staff, the others will notice when someone is fired.
Be straightforward but don’t trash the person. “We made the decision to end Sarah’s employment. It wasn’t the right fit for our household.”
Don’t get into details or gossip about why. Don’t badmouth the person.
If other staff have questions, answer briefly but don’t turn it into a discussion about the fired person’s shortcomings.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see families handle this poorly when they either refuse to acknowledge it (“Sarah just doesn’t work here anymore”) or overshare (“Sarah was terrible, let me tell you everything she did wrong”).
A family in Chicago had three staff members. When they fired one, they told the other two, “We’ve decided to part ways with Maria. It wasn’t working out. We’re looking for her replacement and will keep you posted on that process.” The other staff appreciated the transparency without the drama.
Learning from Bad Hires to Hire Better Next Time
Every bad hire teaches you something about your hiring process or your household needs.
Did you miss red flags in the interview? Did you not check references thoroughly enough? Did you hire too quickly because you were desperate? Did you not communicate expectations clearly from the start?
Figure out what went wrong so you don’t repeat it.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we debrief with families after terminations. What did we miss? What could we have done differently? Those lessons inform the next hire.
A family in Chicago went through three housekeepers in eighteen months. Finally they realized the problem was their expectations. They wanted someone to deep-clean a 5,000-square-foot house in four hours twice a week. That’s not realistic. When they adjusted to either more hours or less comprehensive cleaning, they kept the next housekeeper for years.
When You’re Firing Someone for Cause vs. Not a Good Fit
The approach is different depending on why you’re firing someone.
For cause (misconduct, theft, violation of clear rules): Immediate termination, no severance, no good reference. Document everything in case of legal issues.
Not a good fit (personality, capability, priorities): Notice period or pay in lieu of notice, severance if appropriate, neutral reference. Try to part professionally.
Be honest with yourself about which category this falls into. Some families convince themselves they’re firing for cause when it’s really just not a good fit. That’s unfair to the employee.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we help families distinguish between the two. “For cause” has a specific meaning. It’s not just “I don’t like how they do things.”
Firing household staff is hard. It’s personal, it’s uncomfortable, and it affects someone’s livelihood.
But sometimes it has to happen. When it does, handle it as professionally and humanely as possible. Be clear about the decision, fair in your approach, honest about your reasons, and respectful in your execution.
The families who do this well minimize damage and sometimes even maintain cordial relationships with former staff. The families who do it poorly create enemies, get bad reputations in the household staffing community, and make their next hire harder.
If you’re facing this decision, think it through carefully, consult legal counsel if needed, prepare for the conversation, and execute it professionally. That’s the best you can do in a difficult situation.
