Newborn care specialists bring incredible expertise to those overwhelming first weeks and months with a new baby. They know what they’re doing with infants in ways that most new parents don’t, and their experience can be genuinely invaluable when you’re exhausted and uncertain. But somewhere the line gets crossed from helpful expert guidance to undermining your authority as a parent, and you find yourself in the strange position of being told you’re doing everything wrong with your own child by someone you’re paying to help you.
The dynamic gets complicated fast. You hired this person specifically for their expertise, so when they suggest something different from what you’re doing, is that the expert advice you’re paying for or is it overstepping? When they contradict your pediatrician’s recommendations, are they sharing valuable alternative perspectives or are they acting like they know better than medical professionals? When they sigh and make disapproving comments about your parenting choices, are they trying to help or are they being condescending?
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see this play out in Miami households regularly, and the core issue is usually that expectations weren’t clearly established upfront about whose parenting philosophy takes precedence. Your newborn care specialist might genuinely believe they’re helping by sharing their expertise. You might feel undermined and disrespected when they contradict your choices. Both perspectives have validity, but only one person is actually the parent.
The fundamental principle is that newborn care specialists are hired help with valuable expertise, not co-parents or decision-makers. They should share their knowledge, offer suggestions, explain what’s worked in their experience with other families, and provide expert guidance. But when you make a decision about your child’s care, they need to respect and implement it even if they would personally do something different. Their expertise is a resource, not a mandate.
Start by clarifying what kind of input you want from your NCS. Some families hire newborn care specialists specifically to tell them what to do because they feel completely lost with a new baby. Other families want practical help with tasks but want to make their own parenting decisions. Most families are somewhere in the middle – they want expert advice but also want their choices respected. Your NCS can’t read your mind about which category you fall into.
If you haven’t been clear about this and conflicts are arising, have a direct conversation. “I really value your experience and expertise, and I want to hear your suggestions and advice. But when I make a decision about how we’re handling something with the baby, I need you to support that decision even if you would do it differently. Can you do that?” This establishes the hierarchy clearly – they advise, you decide.
Pay attention to how they frame their suggestions. “Based on my experience with other families, you might want to consider trying X” is very different from “You’re doing that wrong, you need to do it this way.” The first is offering expertise for you to consider. The second is overstepping by implying you don’t have the right to make your own choices.
When your NCS contradicts your decisions, address it immediately. “I know you have a lot of experience, but we’ve decided to handle feeding this way and I need you to follow our approach.” Don’t let repeated contradictions slide because you’re tired or overwhelmed. Every time you accept being undermined, you reinforce that they can override your parenting decisions.
Be especially firm when your NCS contradicts your pediatrician. Unless there’s a genuine safety concern that requires immediate intervention, your newborn care specialist should not be telling you to ignore your doctor’s recommendations. “I understand you have a different perspective, but we’re following our pediatrician’s guidance on this. If you have concerns about the medical advice we’re receiving, we can discuss them, but you need to follow the plan our doctor recommended.”
Some newborn care specialists develop strong philosophies about sleep training, feeding schedules, crying-it-out, co-sleeping, or other hot-button parenting issues, and they believe their way is the only right way. If your NCS is pushing their personal parenting philosophy on you and acting like any deviation is harmful to your baby, that’s a problem. You hired someone to help you implement your parenting choices, not to convert you to their belief system.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we encourage families to be specific about areas where they want heavy input versus areas where they’ve already made decisions. “We’re really open to your guidance on establishing sleep routines – this is your area of expertise and we want your advice. But we’ve already decided about breastfeeding approach and we need you to support that decision rather than trying to change our minds.” This helps your NCS understand where their expertise is welcome versus where decisions have already been made.
Consider whether your NCS is contradicting you in front of other people. If they’re undermining your parenting in front of family members, friends, or other household staff, that’s particularly inappropriate and needs to be shut down immediately. “Please don’t contradict my parenting decisions in front of others. If you have concerns or suggestions, bring them to me privately.” Public undermining is disrespectful and damages your authority as a parent.
Pay attention to the tone and attitude behind the contradictions. Are they genuinely trying to help, or are they condescending and judgmental? Do they treat you like an intelligent adult who’s learning, or like an incompetent child who needs to be managed? The second dynamic is unacceptable regardless of their expertise.
Some families find it helpful to have regular debrief sessions with their NCS where advice and concerns can be discussed in a structured way. “Let’s talk through how things are going and if you have suggestions about anything we should adjust.” This creates space for expert input without having your decisions constantly questioned throughout the day.
Remember that newborn care specialists are temporary employees. Their job is to help you through the early months and then transition out. If they’re treating your household like it’s their domain and you’re just learning from them, that’s backwards. You’re the permanent fixture, they’re the temporary help. The household should be run your way with their support, not their way with your reluctant compliance.
If you’ve clearly established expectations and your NCS continues contradicting you, undermining your choices, or acting like they know better than you about your own child, it’s time for them to go. Yes, they have valuable expertise. But undermining your confidence and authority as a parent is more harmful than any expertise is helpful. Fire them and find someone who respects boundaries.
Some newborn care specialists genuinely struggle with the transition from being in charge to being support staff. If they’re used to families who defer completely to their expertise, they might struggle to adjust when they work for families who want more autonomy. That’s their problem to solve, not yours to accommodate by accepting being overruled about your own baby.
Watch for whether the contradictions are about genuine safety concerns versus personal preferences. If your NCS sees something that’s genuinely unsafe – baby sleeping in an unsafe position, feeding method creating choking risk, something medically concerning – they should absolutely speak up and might need to intervene immediately. That’s different from contradicting you about whether to pick baby up when crying or what feeding schedule to use.
The goal is a working relationship where your newborn care specialist shares their valuable expertise, you make informed decisions based on that expertise and your own values and preferences, and they implement those decisions professionally even when they would personally do something different. That’s what professional support looks like. Anything less than that respect for your parental authority is unacceptable.
Don’t let exhaustion and uncertainty make you accept being undermined. You’re the parent. You get to make the decisions. Your newborn care specialist is there to help you implement your parenting approach, not to impose theirs on you. Stand firm in that boundary, and if they can’t respect it, find someone who can.
